With a pounding heart, I ran back around to the front of the house, digging in my handbag for the key to his front door. I was shaking so hard, I couldn’t get the key in the lock. “God, please! Help me!” I prayed, then stepped back from the door and took several deep breaths. When my hand was steadier, I opened the door and ran down the hall to the living room.
“Jake! Oh, God, Jake, what are you doing?!”
He didn’t answer, but lifted the gun higher.
“No!” I screamed and ran across the room to his chair. “No!” I grabbed his arm and tried to wrestle the gun away.
He resisted and lifted his free hand to push me away. I stumbled back and nearly lost my balance. “Jake! Jake, what are you doing?”
When he turned to look at me, the anguished look in his eyes made me realize how badly I’d hurt him. He’d loved Steve like a brother and I’d treated him like dirt and kicked him to the curb and beat him down. Tia had been right. He needed comforting, too. “Jake…what are you doing?”
“Cleaning my gun.”
I’d never heard him sound so miserable and defeated. I glanced wildly around. I saw none of the paraphernalia I knew was necessary for gun cleaning. “Jake…” I bit my lip and inched forward. “What are you doing?”
He pointed a finger at me. “I’m thinking of taking care of your little problem.”
“What…what problem?”
He shrugged and took a deep sobbing breath that made me ache for him. “Of my being alive when Steve is dead.”
My eyes filled with tears and terror filled me as I realized that I’d driven him to the brink of despair. “No! No! I didn’t mean that, Jake!”
He shook a fist at me. “Oh, yes you did! Don’t you stand there lying to me! We both know you meant it! You want me dead! Well, damn you, if that’s what it takes to get your forgiveness, I’ll give you what you want!”
“No! No!” I stumbled over to the chair, grabbing his arm. “No! You selfish bastard! You put that gun down! How much grief do you think JR and I can bear? We can’t lose you, too! You put that gun down now!”
He pushed me away again and I scrambled to my knees, fear clutching at my heart. When I realized how close he was to shooting himself, I think that’s the first time I realized how much he meant to me. How much emptier I’d feel if he were dead.
“No! No! God, Jake, no! No! Oh, God, don’t!”
He stared at me, his eyes filling with tears. “Damn you, Tasha! How could you shut me out of your life? How could you think for a single moment that I wouldn’t have died to protect Steve? You think I would have allowed anyone to take him from you and JR if I could have prevented it? I tried, damn it, but I couldn’t reach him in time! It happened so fast. I heard the shot and when I got there…he was lying on the ground. When I picked him up and knew he was dead, part of me died, too!”
He put his free hand over his face and sobs shook his body. I was used to Jake being strong. Strong for Steve, strong for me, and strong for JR. To see him sobbing like that was more than I could stand.
“Don’t! Please!” I rushed to him and wrapped my arms around him. “I’m sorry, Jake! So sorry!” I reached for the gun and this time he allowed me to remove it from his hand. I put the safety on, placed it on the table out of his reach, and wrapped my arms around him. “Oh, Jake! Jake, I’m so sorry for hurting you.”
His arms went around me and he buried his face against my breasts. “Oh, God, I can’t stand the pain anymore! I failed you and JR. I let Steve get killed!”
“No! No!” I pulled away and cupped his face in my hands. “No! You didn’t fail us. You’ve never failed us! It wasn’t your fault, Jake! I know that. Part of me has always known that. I was just hurting so badly…I needed someone to blame.”
He stared up at me. “I feel empty. I have nothing and no one.”
“That’s not true.” I stroked his damp cheeks. “You have me and JR. We need you, Jake.”
“I would have died to protect him. If I could, I would have taken that bullet. I just couldn’t get there in time.”
“I know that. I always have.” I stroked my fingers through his dark, silky hair. It was longer than he usually wore it and he looked as if he hadn’t shaved in days. I sighed. “I’m just so…sorry I made this so much harder for you. Forgive me, Jake.”
He stared up at me, his eyes filled with sorrow. “I’m the one who needs to be forgiven.” He pulled me down onto his lap and pressed his cheek against mine. “I thought I’d die when you wouldn’t let me be there for you and JR. I need to be with you both.” His arms tightened around my waist. “Oh, honey, I’ve missed you!”
“We’ve missed you too, Jake!” When I turned to face him, he leaned forward and devoured my lips with his mouth. At the contact, a series of electric charges sizzled through my body, making my pussy clench and throb.
It wasn’t the first time he’d kissed me on the mouth. When Jake’s parents had been killed in a plane crash two years earlier, he’d been so distraught that Steve had asked me to spend the weekend with him. “He needs a woman’s touch, and right now, girl
, you’re the only woman in his life.”
The first night, I’d held him in my arms, kissing his hair and rocking him. When he lifted his head, his blue eyes wide, looking like a little lost boy, I’d done what I did when JR looked like that: I leaned down and kissed him gently. He’d responded by kissing me back. We’d traded a few gentle, healing kisses that had no trace of passion. And although I’d been vaguely aware that he was slightly aroused, he’d made no move on me.