Friday, November 9, 2012
11:12 p.m.
Atlanta, Georgia
I rushed into the house and up to my bedroom and slammed the door. Then I slid down to the floor on the opposite side and started crying. I couldn’t believe that I had done that. It was never my intention to physically hurt someone, even Cherie. I wasn’t sure if she was dead or alive, but I was praying for the better of the two scenarios. But what if she was in a coma, or if she’d have to have some limbs amputated. All kinds of thoughts ran through my head and none of them were good.
Diederik knocked on my door. “Where have you been? Kagiso said you disappeared on him at the restaurant.”
At first, I refused to answer, but he wasn’t going to leave me alone until I made something up.
“Wicket?” He was pounding on the door and trying the knob, but I had locked it. “Ladonna?”
“I’m fine,” I managed to get out. “Just tired. Kagiso is overreacting. You guys treat me like a baby. Sometimes I need some space . . . not to mention privacy. I’m entitled to that.”
Then I heard Antonio and Kagiso walking down the hall. “Is she all right?” Antonio asked Diederik.
“She says she needed space,” he replied to him. “And that we don’t give her any privacy.”
Kagiso said, “Bullshit. She could have told me that she needed space instead of running off like that.”
“Maybe she needs to go see that lady doctor again,” Antonio remarked.
“Something’s definitely going on here,” Diederik said. “Kagiso, where do you think she went tonight?”
“Hell if I know. Like I said, she ditched me like some espionage movie. When I went to look for her in the bathroom, she was gone and no one saw her leave the place.”
“Next time, you need to call the authorities right away,” Antonio chimed in. “Anything could’ve happened. From now on, she doesn’t go anywhere without at least two of us with her.”
“And one of us always stands outside bathrooms from now on,” Diederik said.
“Her father will kill us if anything happens to her.” Kagiso was getting too melodramatic in his tone and, quite frankly, they were beginning to piss me off.
They were taken aback when I flung the door open, after drying my tears. “You all do realize that I can hear you talking about me, right?” I eyed each one of them with disdain. “I’m not a fucking baby. I’m your boss. You don’t tell me what to do. I tell you what to do.”
I brushed past them and headed downstairs to the great room to pour myself a drink. I was still trembling and worried about the consequences of my actions. When Antonio mentioned the police, that had been a reality check for me. What if red lights and sirens flooded my driveway at any second? There were freaking security cameras everywhere in Atlanta, not to mention the possibility that someone had caught the entire thing on a cell phone. I had been covered up, but anything was possible.
KAD was in the room with me, but keeping their mouths shut, while I crammed a glass with ice from the bin behind the bar and mixed some Diet Coke with Mount Gay Rum. I took my drink and went and sat on the leather sectional.
Kagiso must have been the elected spokesperson after they exchanged glances. He sat down beside me, but didn’t get too close. “We’re only concerned about you. Surely, you know that much. You’re our boss, but we also consider you to be a friend. And in my case, I’ll even admit that my feelings go much deeper than that.”
I stared into Kagiso’s eyes and sighed.
“Man, this isn’t the time for all that,” Antonio stated sarcastically. “She’s not digging you like that.”
Kagiso snapped at him. “And how do you know that?”
“Because she’s not checking for any of us like that. Not for some sort of relationship.”
Diederik kept quiet. To say that it was an awkward moment wouldn’t have cut it. Everyone in the room was aware that I had done some freaky shit with all three of them over the years. I’m sure that they had compared notes. Spending time with Jonovan had put them all in their feelings, I was sure. The ironic part was that he was the only one I had yet to share my wild side with. Not sure that would ever happen, either.
“Listen, I’m home now, safe and sound. Can I have some privacy?” I asked. “I assure you that I’m not going anywhere else tonight. I’m going to finish my drink and go to bed.”
Kagiso reluctantly got up and walked off in a huff. Antonio followed in silence. Diederik was the only one who wished me “good night” quietly.
I turned on the local nightly news to see if they said anything about Cherie being the victim of a brutal attack. Nothing. I truly did feel bad about what I had done. I had no right to hurt her like that, even after what she had helped the others do to me.
I ended up making three or four more drinks and my emotions took over. I realized that if I were ever going to have closure, I had to go back to the beginning. I had to go back to the source of all my pain. The one person who had victimized me first and had caused my entire life to spiral out of control.