Nervous

He shrugged and didn’t respond.

My paternal grandmother, who I never knew, died before I was born but my grandfather didn’t die until I was in junior high. Still, I never met him, only saw pictures. Daddy had just gotten a phone call one day, came out of his home office announcing that his father had passed, and the next morning he left by himself to return to North Carolina to “give the old man a decent burial.”

I remember the day he left. A torrential rainstorm occurred. Momma was vexed about him driving in such bad weather, but he told her, “I’ve got to do what has to be done,” and left.

He came back four days

later and never spoke of it again. That was why everyone found it so bizarre when he ended up back in North Carolina a couple of years later running his father’s auto shop that had lain dormant since his death.

Daddy looked at his watch and then at Flower, who was yawning and had positioned her head on his upper arm. “Flower, it’s after your bedtime. Go ahead and put on your nightclothes and you can take your bath in the morning.”

“Okay, Daddy.”

She started scooting forward to get down off the swing. I teased the bottom of one of her pigtails. “Maybe I can do your hair for you in the morning. Would you like that?”

“Yes,” she replied sweetly.

“I’ll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in,” Daddy said.

“Okay.”

She went into the house and again, I heard her running up the steps. Again, Daddy yelled out at her and then we both laughed.

Daddy rubbed his hand across his face and exhaled. “She’s a handful, I tell you.”

“You seem like you’re doing a good job. She’s an extremely happy child.”

“I never thought I’d find myself sharing custody of a child.”

“Not even me?” He ignored the question so I continued, “Daddy, I understand that whatever went down with you and Momma was ugly and unrectifiable, but why didn’t you fight to see me? I would have loved to spend time with you. I had you for fifteen years of my life and then you just vanished.”

“It wasn’t like that,” he said swiftly. “There are a lot of things you don’t know and can’t know.”

“Why can’t I know them now? I’m a grown woman.”

“It’s best to let sleeping dogs lie.” He paused and said, “Jonquinette, it’s not that I’m not excited about you showing up here, but why now? After all this time? I had completely given up hope.”

I thought about Dr. Spencer and said, “Someone suggested I come visit you.”

He seemed staggered. “Surely, it couldn’t have been your mother. I’ve been writing her for years, too. I got one letter back telling me to burn in hell and that she couldn’t wait to dance on my grave and that was it.”

“Momma was heated,” I said. “But she still shouldn’t have said something that malicious.” I took over Flower’s job and pushed us off. “I didn’t know you had written her letters. She’s never mentioned it.”

“Hmph, why would she? She hates me.”

“How do you feel about her?” I pried.

“Oh, I will always love your mother. I’ll admit that our marriage went through its ups and downs but I expected to be with her forever. Until that sorry-ass bitch showed up on Thanksgiving Day and ruined everything.”

“What about the child she was pregnant with?” I asked.

He raised his voice. “There was no child. I never slept with that woman. In fact, I’d never even laid eyes on her. I tried to find her though, afterward, but after searching every street corner in the hooker district, I gave up. Besides, the damage had already been done and your mother wasn’t trying to hear any kind of explanation. Not that I needed to justify my actions, because I hadn’t done anything.”

Something about the way he talked made him seem like an innocent man. “Daddy, do you swear it wasn’t true?”

“I swear,” he said. “I’m not a perfect man, Jonquinette, but that I did not do. I never cheated on your mother and I’ve only been with one woman since. Allison was more of a release than anything else but I’m glad I have Flower. She gives me a basis to live.” He got up off the swing. “I’m going to go tuck her in. I’ll be back.”

“Can I do it?” I asked.