“Yes, but they’ve gotten worse.”
He took a deep breath and clamped his eyes shut. “How so?”
“Oh, Daddy. There’s no easy way to say this so I’ll just come out with it. I don’t think I’m alone.”
“You’re not alone,” he said. “You have a mother who loves you, family members who love you, and you have me. I would lay down my life for you.”
I shook my head. “You’re not following me. You know how you keep saying that you didn’t have anything to do with that woman?”
“I didn’t have anything to do with her,” he insisted.
“And you know how no one believed you back then?”
“Don’t remind me,” he hissed. “They still don’t believe me but I hope you do.”
I nodded. “I can’t explain what happened and why that woman showed up there that day but if you say you didn’t have any involvement with her, I believe you.”
He slapped his hands together. “Thank goodness. I would never do anything to harm you and your momma, baby.”
“I believe you,” I repeated. “Now you have to believe me when I say—”
“When you say . . . ?”
“I honestly never did any of those things. I know you think I was doing them and just not owning up to them. That I had some sort of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde personality but that wasn’t it. I had another personality altogether.”
He was stumped. “Come again?”
“Daddy, when I say I’m not alone, I mean that I’ve come to realize that another person lives within me.”
“Another person lives within you,” he slowly repeated my words.
“Yes.”
“And who is this person?”
I could tell he couldn’t grasp it, simply by the look on his face and the way the words slurred out of his mouth.
“I don’t know who she is. I just know that I have these blackouts and when I come back, so to speak, things have changed, people are accusing me of things I never did, I’m wearing clothes I never put on, things are misplaced or moved around my apartment when there was never anyone else there. The list just goes on and on.” I didn’t want to get into the sex thing with Daddy. No woman feels comfortable talking about sex with her father. Even though I realized everything would have to come out eventually, I wasn’t prepared to deal with that part yet. Not with Daddy.
“Jonquinette, listen to me carefully,” Daddy said. “You need to get immediate help. I tried to tell your mother this years ago, but she didn’t want to hear it. If you need me to, I’ll call someone for you. I’ll go back to Atlanta with you; whatever it takes.”
I reached across the table and took his hand. It was trembling, or maybe it was my hand that was actually wobbly. “I already found someone, Daddy. She’s the one who suggested I reach out to you.”
“A doctor?” he asked.
“Yes, a psychiatrist.” I nodded. “Her name’s Dr. Marcella Spencer and she’s wonderful, Daddy. I really think she can help me but I can’t face all of this without you and Momma.”
“Does you mother know you’re seeing a doctor?” he asked.
“No, but she’s about to find out. I’m sick of secrets.”
“So you want me to come to Atlanta?”
“Yes, but not until I have a chance to talk to Momma about it.”
He smirked. “Good luck. Meredith probably won’t be able to stand occupying the same room with me.”
I knew he was right. “Then she’ll have to get over it. Momma means well but she’s self-centered and it’s time for her to consider people other than herself. The two of you are my parents and, while I am grown, I still need you both.”