Nervous

I was clueless about what to say. I just sat there and attempted to let Marcella’s words sink in. Jude!

It felt so strange to ask the next question. “So what did she say to you, Marcella?”

“Basically, that she was your protector and that if not for her, you would’ve perished long ago.”

“She said that?”

“Yes, that and much more. She said that she controlled you and that if she wanted to, she could take over full-time and never let you return.” Marcella took my hand. “Don’t worry. I don’t believe she can actually do that for a second.”

“But what if she can?” I asked in alarm. “What if she can make me totally fade away?”

The thought of just falling asleep, or blacking out one day, and ceasing to exist was more frightening than death. I had always had this trepidation of becoming a vegetable due to an accident or sudden illness and that was more dreadful than anything I could envision.

“Jonquinette, if there was any doubt before, there is none now. You’re definitely suffering from MPD.”

“What does that stand for?”

“Multiple Personality Disorder.”

I jumped up from the bench and started pacing right along with the pigeons. “This can’t be happening. Not now. Not when I think that I’ve finally found someone. Someone I could actually open up to.”

“Are you referring to Mason?”

I blushed. “Yes, I mean Mason. He and I went out on a date.”

“Was that your first date?” Marcella asked. “With Mason, I mean.”

“That was my first date period,” I readily divulged.

“And how did it go?”

“He kissed me.”

“Did you kiss him back?”

“Yes, and that wasn’t the first time. He and I had kissed once before. He had invited me to a wedding, but I didn’t get the note he’d taped to my door. Darnetta, a friend from the office, had asked me to go to the same exact wedding with her. Crazy happenstance, huh?”

Marcella nodded. “Quite remarkable.”

“Anyway, we both ended up there. He was the best man. At the reception we danced and then the groom needed to talk to him. I sat back down at the table and then . . . ”

“Then what?”

I sat back down beside her and groaned. “I don’t remember. This Jude person must have taken over somehow. The next thing I knew I was at home and Mason was banging at my door. He mentioned something about me becoming ill at the reception and leaving without telling him.”

“How did that make you feel? To have him standing there recounting things you couldn’t remember?”

“It scared the living daylights out of me,” I replied. “I really want things to work out with Mason, but how, in all fairness, can I even date him again?”

Marcella put her arm around my shoulder and embraced me. “We’re just going to have to take this one day at a time, just like everyone else. That’s the only way you can really face life; trying to deal with too many things at once makes you overwhelmed. We have to take care of the moment and then move on to the next. We can’t always worry about what is to come.”

I pulled away from her so I could gaze into her eyes. “That may be true in most cases and I understand perfectly what you’re trying to say. But I have to worry about what is to come. If this Jude is threatening to take over my entire life, how can we stop her?”

“With treatment,” Marcella answered. “Treatment and a lot of faith, hope, and love.”

“Let me ask you this. What did Jude say about having sex?”

Marcella eyed me uneasily. “She mentioned it.”