Nervous

“How’s Flower doing?” I asked him after we were seated in a booth.

He grinned at the mere mention of Flower’s name. “She’s doing great and she sends her love.”

“And I send my love back.”

“She was upset that she couldn’t come with me but I explained to her that it was more important for her to be in school and that I had no idea when I would be back.”

“Aw, well let her know that she is welcome to come see me during one of her school breaks or summer vacation. I would love to have her.”

“Wouldn’t that be too much for you to handle?” he asked.

“No, because I will take off work whenever she is coming,” I replied. “Speaking of which, who’s manning your shop while you’re gone?”

“Nobody, but it’s fine. While I hate to lose business to the competition, the townsfolk will just have to take their cars on over to Jose’s place. That’s the only downfall of running a one-person business. When you can’t be there, the business is not functioning.”

“Have you ever thought about hiring someone?”

Daddy laughed. “I don’t get enough regular business for that. I make enough to get by but just like other types of service-oriented companies, income is solely based on demand and not on recurring customers.”

“True, I guess you can never depend on people having car trouble.”

He shook his head. “Not on a schedule, that’s for sure.”

“I won’t say that I’m rich or anything, Daddy, but if you need some extra cash, I do have some savings.”

He put his hand up to wave me off. “I wouldn’t hear of it. Jonquinette, if I really get strapped, I can always go back to programming. I enjoy the repair business but I do have other skills.”

“I realize that, Daddy.” I didn’t want him to think I was implying that he couldn’t survive on his own but I also wanted him to know that he supported me for the first fifteen years of my life and for that, I owed him something. “Just don’t hesitate to ask me for something, if you need it.”

It hit me that I was sitting there talking about life as if mine were normal. There was no guarantee that I would even be around. Jude could possibly get rid of me at any second. I was intentionally beating around the bush, avoiding the matter at hand, and decided to stop it. “Daddy, what are your feelings about seeing Momma again?”

He shrugged. “Part of me is excited as I think I’ve ever been in my entire life.”

“And the other part?”

“The other part is scared to death.”

“Have you decided yet?” the waitress asked. I hadn’t even noticed her walking up to the table.

“Daddy, you know what you want?” I asked, glancing down at the menu for the first time.

“I’ll just have a buttermilk waffle with a side of country ham,” he said.

“Um, I’ll take a three-egg omelet with cheddar cheese, mushrooms, and green peppers,” I said, placing my order. “And we’ll both have orange juice. Two large, please.”

The waitress took the menus from us and said, “I’ll be right back.”

I resumed our conversation. “I can understand you being scared. I’m kind of scared about how things will go down myself.”

Daddy chuckled. “I can imagine. All I can say is the last time we saw each other, which was in the courtroom for our divorce, she looked like she wanted to kill me with her bare hands.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there for you that day, in court.”

“Jonquinette, that was the last place you needed to be. I’m sorry I couldn’t have been there for you during the rest of your educational years and after.” He lowered his eyes to the table. “I feel like such a failure.”

“Daddy, you are anything but a failure. You are a kind, loving, compassionate man whose life was screwed up because of circumstances beyond your control. The bottom line is this is all my fault. All mine.”

“Jonquinette, you can’t go blaming yourself for this. This is not your fault. You have an illness and that is not something you can control.”