Nervous

“Beautiful name.”

“So is yours.”

There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment and then Zoe said, “I’m not trying to get into your business but I feel like I have to say something.”

“Go ahead.”

“Life throws us a lot of curveballs. We can run from them or we can catch them and throw them back.”

“I never thought of it quite that way,” I said. “Curveballs, huh?”

“I don’t know if you’ve ever heard me actually give a testimonial at a meeting, but to make a long story short, sex almost killed me: literally.”

I lowered my eyes to the ground to avoid eye contact. “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I fought back. I was determined not to give up my life that easily, even when everything seemed hopeless. Looking back on it, I can’t believe how many people were hurt, some even killed, because of my actions.”

“Killed?” I asked in disbelief, looking back up at her to see if she was serious.

“Yes, killed, because of my issues with sexuality.” She leaned on my trunk. “I used to blame myself. I just couldn’t deal with it.”

“But you’re okay now?”

“Most of the time. I won’t sugarcoat it. The memories will never go away, not ever. If I have to eventually pay for my sins, then so be it. I’ve come to terms with that. For now, though, I just intend to live life with my husband and kids. They give me all the love and encouragement that I need.”

I didn’t want to be nosy but I felt like I just had to ask. “What caused you to be like that? Addicted to sex?”

“Are you really addicted?” she came back at me.

“My situation’s a little bit more complicated than that,” I responded. “I wouldn’t say that I’m addicted to sex. It’s more like someone else that I’m extremely close to is addicted to it or rather uses sex to prove a point.”

Zoe seemed confused. “I won’t ask you to elaborate. To answer your question, there were some incidents dating back to my c

hildhood that triggered everything after that.”

“Incidents?”

“Yes, incidents that I had buried. We often bury things in our minds. The human body is a very intricate thing, an amazing thing, and sometimes we are things and have done things we can’t remember.”

I laughed. “In my case, that’s definitely true.”

“Did you have something happen in your childhood?” she asked me.

“I had a ton of things happen in my childhood. I was bullied, tormented, teased, and treated like crap by all the other kids.”

“What about your parents?”

“I have two loving parents, but they had issues because of me. In fact, something I did made them divorce.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Yeah, well, they are meeting me here today.” I thought about Daddy’s car being at my place overnight and added, “I’m hoping that there may be some chance for them to reconcile; even after all these years.”

“If it’s in God’s plans, they will,” Zoe said, looking up at the sky.

“So you’re religious?” I asked.

“I didn’t used to be, at least not much, but I am now. My husband and I take our children to church every Sunday and pray together every night.”