“So you’re trying to say you don’t feel any chemistry with me?” she asked defiantly as the waitress set the Keg Rolls on the table and walked off.
“I don’t feel like I have to have you, in every way imaginable, no. You’re nice, pretty, aggressive. You seem like a cool person, but can I envision us being together around the clock, waking up together, or dying together? No, and I’m only being honest.”
“I see.”
I hated it when I said a bunch of words and the other person merely said, “I see.”
“Magdalena, if you want me to pay for your dinner and leave, I will do that. I don’t want to offend you.”
“Why did you even ask me out?”
“Good question, and I’ll try to answer. For me, part of it was the fact that you kept asking me to ask you out. The other part is that I realize that sitting at home sulking is not going to change my situation. My baby is out of my life and it’s difficult for me to cope with. I don’t expect you to understand but—”
“Actually, I do understand how you feel. What you’re feeling is what most of us women feel after being dumped, except it happens to us time and time again. I have to admit that I appreciate your honesty, so allow me to be honest with you, Dr. Tevin Harris. I want you to take me to bed tonight. No strings attached. No expectations—unrealistic or otherwise. Just two people sharing a couple of hours of intimacy so that tomorrow doesn’t seem as dismal as it did today.”
I sat there, staring at her with my dick rock hard in my pants. Maybe the touch of another woman would start to make me feel something again, instead of feeling like a dead man walking. Maybe shutting out the rest of the world and relieving myself inside of her would ease a little bit of my pain.
“So, what’s it going to be?” Magdalena asked, finishing off her glass of wine.
* * *
We ended up back at her place, a studio in an expensive condo building not far from the restaurant. It amazed me how people would pay thousands for a small space to be in a certain area of town when they could purchase a house for the same amount less than two miles away. But she was single and it made sense to her, so I rolled with it.
The sex was there but it was nothing memorable. I didn’t do much to her but she licked all over my chest, then my dick, and waited for me to pound the bottom out of her pussy. I went through the motions until I exploded inside the condom, spent a few minutes making small talk, and then told her that I needed to leave because I had an early surgery in the morning.
After all of that effort that she put forth, I’m sure that sex with me was a letdown. Not because of the size of my dick. She oohed and aahed over that like every other woman. But because I wasn’t all over her like she was the most exquisite thing on the planet. However, she had asked for it: a couple of hours to knock the edge off. So we knocked off some edges and went our separate ways. It would undoubtedly be awkward if we crossed paths at Sibley, but I had a feeling she would be avoiding my floor from then on out.
Chapter Twenty-one
“If I could give you one thing in life, I would give you the ability to see yourself through my eyes. Only then would you realize how special you are to me.”
—Unknown
I decided to spend a few days in Florida with my mother and my sister, Alexis. I moped around most of the time, but the change of scenery helped a little. Mom didn’t drill me with questions about Jemistry. She’d already sent Daddy on that mission and I was positive that he’d reported back to her. It was obvious that my parents still loved each other but my father had fucked up and there was no turning back from that. I hadn’t fucked up and there was no turning back for me either.
When I landed back at Baltimore–Washington International Thurgood Marshall Airport, I was waiting curbside to catch the shuttle bus to the long-term parking lot when I smelled her. I could never forget her smell. I turned around and Jemistry was standing behind me, staring at me. She had on a flowing sundress made up of a kaleidoscope of colors and a pair of sandals. Her nails and toes were painted a pastel blue and she had auburn highlights in her hair. She had a tan and it was obvious she was returning from a trip herself. She had a suitcase on wheels and a large tote on her shoulder. Sunglasses shielded her eyes, but she was definitely looking at me.
I could barely breathe.
“Good afternoon, Tevin,” she said. “
It’s been a while.”
“Yes, it’s been months,” I replied. “I’ve been looking for you. I’ve been to your place. I called DC Public Schools, but they wouldn’t help me and since school was closed, I couldn’t show up at your job.”
“What did you go through all of that for?”
Was she seriously asking me that?
“Jemistry, I love you. I’d walk over burning coals, or fight a shark for you.”
“Or fuck my roommate!”
I took two steps closer to her and she didn’t move away.
“Baby, I’ve had a long time to look at this from your perspective and I understand that you’re going to believe what you want to believe. And if you don’t want anything to do with me, I’ll accept that. I have accepted it, but only because I had no choice.
“But I want you to know something, and you can take it or leave it for what it’s worth. The only fear that I have in this world is losing you forever. I’m not afraid of dying, but I’m afraid to live without you. Nothing else matters to me. I’m just going through life on autopilot right now.”