Addicted

“What are you doing, Zoe?” He sat down on the step below the one I was sitting on and leaned his elbow beside my thigh.

“Looking at the stars.” I moved over on the step a little,-away from his hand, because even a slight touch from him made me yearn for him. “Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine myself floating up among the stars. I feel weightless, and it’s such a weird feeling. Yet, it makes me feel so relaxed. It’s incredible!”

I darted my eyes down to his, and noticed he was looking at me like I had lost my fucking mind. “Sorry, Jason. I know I must sound plum foolish.”

“No, not at all. Tell me more about them, Zoe.” He sensed my hesitation. “Please, I really want to learn astronomy.”

For the next ten or fifteen minutes I pointed out every constellation I could recognize to Jason, including the Little Dipper, Big Dipper, and Ursa Minor. I was surprised he actually seemed to be interested in them.

“You see that bright star over there? The North Star?” I pointed as if my fingertip could land directly upon it.

“Yes, I see it. It’s beautiful. Just like you.” I started blushing and placed my hands between my thighs, clamped them shut, and pretended to look down the street at an approaching car.

“I wonder if that’s my mother.” I knew it wasn’t but was trying to change the subject. I wasn’t even prepared for the “beautiful” comment. Once the car passed, I continued, “No, that’s not her. Anyway, I renamed the star after my father, Peter.”

“That’s too cool!”

“Thanks.” Jason eased up and sat on the same step as me, pressing his leg against mine. I instantly started shaking, and my knee started going back and forth. Years later, as I began to understand my sexuality better, I realized I was deliberately causing friction on my clit because I was horny. “One day, I’m gonna have a little boy and name him Peter.”

“Maybe we can make him together.” He reached over and started rubbing his fingers up and down my leg. I tried to jump up, but he stopped me and put his arm ar

ound me. “Don’t run away from me, Zoe. Let’s talk.”

“About what?” I was frozen like a Popsicle. I couldn’t move right at that moment if my life depended on it.

“Which one of those stars is ours?”

“Ours?”

“Yes, ours. Let’s pick a star and make it our own special-star. For always!” I looked him in his sexy hazel eyes and wanted to kiss him so bad but didn’t have the nerve. “How about that one over there? You see it?”

I had no idea which one he meant, ’cause I was too busy looking at him. “Yes!”

“Cool! So that’ll be our star. Jason and Zoe’s star.”

The kiss began so fast, it took me off guard. It was the first French kiss of my life, and I will never forget it. His tongue was thick and soft and penetrated my mouth after practically having to pry it open. Once I was able to relax, it was great, outstanding, miraculous, the bomb diggity.

“Wanna go inside your house?” Jason stopped kissing me abruptly after a few moments and made the suggestion. I just sat there with my mouth hanging open and his sweet saliva all over my lips. He stood up, took me by the hand, and starting pulling me up to my feet. “Come on, let’s go inside awhile.”

We were standing in the doorway, tonguing the hell out of each other, with my arms over his shoulders and his around my hips, inching me farther into the house, his hard dick pressing up against my wet pussy through our jeans, when my mother pulled into the driveway.

We tried our best to play it off. Jason put his hands in his back pockets, and I crossed my arms in front of me, trying to pretend like we were just standing there having a casual conversation. “I’ll talk to you later, Zoe,” Jason blurted out as he began to walk away. He waved to my mother as she was getting out of the car and managed a soft, “Hey!”

“Hey Mom! Have a good day at work?” I moved out of the doorway so she could get in with the bag of groceries she was carrying. “Let me take that to the kitchen.”

“Sure!” She handed me the bag, and I started making my way toward the kitchen. I almost made it too without getting busted. “By the way, Zoe, I saw that!”

I turned around, getting ready to try to fabricate a story, but she wasn’t even looking at me. She was flipping through the mail from that day, so I left well enough alone.

While I was putting away the groceries, I started wondering what would have happened between Jason and me if my mother hadn’t shown up right then. I wondered if he was experienced, and hoped like all hell he wasn’t. I wanted to be his first.

After I went to bed and made sure my mother was fast asleep, I masturbated for the first time. I didn’t know what to do exactly, and to this day, I’m not sure whether or not I actually came. All I know is thinking about Jason and feeling on myself at the same time made me feel damn good.

• • •

Well, I finally got my man, and Chandler got pushed to the curb. Jason told her the truth, that he and I were an item. She took it hard, but I didn’t care. That summer was the greatest one of my entire life. Jason and I spent almost every day together. We never did the nasty though. As it turned out, he was still a virgin and was not completely ready to do it, so we didn’t. We used to hold hands and hug and neck heavily. He wouldn’t let it go any farther, so I began to masturbate on a regular basis.

I assumed masturbating at such a young age was probably strange but had no idea there were underlying reasons for it. What I did not know then but realize all too well now is that my battle with sexual addiction had already begun.