My Uncle Oswald - Page 6

'Five pounds then.'

'What in the world you going to do with five pounds of Blister Beetle powder, sahib? Just a few ounces is a lifetime supply even for a big strong man like me.'

'Never mind what I'm going to do with it,' I said. 'How much would it cost?'

He laid his head on one side and considered this question carefully. 'We buy it in tiny packets,' he said. 'Quarter ounce each. Very expensive stuff.'

'I want five pounds,' I said. 'In bulk.'

'Are you staying here in the hotel?' he asked me.

'Yes.'

'Then I see you tomorrow with the answer. I must go around asking some questions.'

I left it at that for the time being.

The next morning the tall black hall-porter was in his usual place by the hotel entrance. 'What news of the powder?' I asked him.

'I fix,' he said. 'I find a place where I can get you five pounds in weight of pure powder.'

'How much will it cost?' I asked him.

'You have English money?'

'I can get it.'

'It will cost you one thousand English pounds, sahib. Very cheap.'

'Then forget it,' I said, turning away.

'Five hundred,' he said.

'Fifty,' I said. 'I'll give you fifty pounds.'

'One hundred.'

'No. Fifty. That's all I can afford.'

He shrugged and spread his palms upward. 'You find the money,' he said. 'I find the powder. Six o'clock tonight.'

'How will I know you won't be giving me sawdust or something?'

'Sahib!' he cried. 'I never cheat anyone.'

'I'm not so sure.'

'In that case,' he said, 'we will test the powder on you by giving you a little dose before you pay me. How's that?'

'Good idea,' I said. 'See you at six.'

One of the London banks had an overseas branch in Khartoum. I went there and changed some of my French francs for pounds. At six p.m. I sought out the hall-porter. He was now in the foyer of the hotel.

'You got it?' I asked him.

He pointed to a large brown-paper parcel standing on the floor behind a pillar. 'You want to test it first, sahib? You are very welcome because this is the absolute top class quality beetle powder in the Sudan. One pinhead of this and you go jig-a-jig all night long and half the next day.'

I didn't think he would have offered me a trial run if the stuff hadn't been right, so I gave him the money and took the parcel.

Tags: Roald Dahl Humorous
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