Dirty Beasts

I sat. I screamed. I jumped a foot!

Would you believe that I had put

That tender little rump of mine

Upon a giant porcupine!

My backside seemed to catch on fire!

A hundred red-hot bits of wire

A hundred prickles sticking in

And puncturing my precious skin!

I ran for home. I shouted, “Mum!

“Behold the prickles in my bum!”

My mum, who always keeps her head,

Bent down to look and then she said,

“I personally am not about

“To try to pull those prickles out.

“I think a job like this requires

“The services of Mr Myers.”

I shouted, “Not the dentist! No!

“Oh mum, why don’t you have a go?”

I begged her twice, I begged her thrice,

But grown-ups never take advice.

She said, “A dentist’s very strong.

“He pulls things out the whole day long.”

She drove me quickly into town,

And then they turned me upside down

Upon the awful dentist’s chair,

While two strong nurses held me there.

Enter the dreaded Mr. Myers

Waving a massive pair of pliers.

“This is,” he cried with obvious glee,

“A new experience for me.