He sighed deeply and took a drink before laying his head back against the couch. “I’m sorry I’m acting like such a tool, Red,” he began, finally starting to sound more like himself. “I was taken by surprise today when Cal and Scott sat me down to tell me about the shop, and I felt totally betrayed at the fact that he had talked to everyone about it except me. I sorta lost it and walked out, and I’ve been sitting here stewing ever since.”
I ran my fingers down his arm, linking my fingers with his when they reached his hand. “You know Cal loves you and would never intentionally hurt you.”
“I know that, I just couldn’t stop the part of me that feels like I’m the least deserving one of the group from taking over my head.”
My own head shot up at that. “What the hell does that mean? The least deserving one of the group?”
TJ turned to look at me warily. “C’mon, Red, I’m the odd man out. Cal, Shelly, and Gaby come from great families. You and Scott come from assholes, but neither of you have ever had to worry about money, or where your next meal was going to come from. Shit, even Brock, who grew up on the streets, has become a successful business owner. Then there’s me. I’m the guy who had a shitty childhood, and is most likely to live paycheck to paycheck.”
“Wow,” I whispered dangerously. “What a low opinion you have of yourself, and of all of us. Do you really think the way you were raised, or how much money you make, matters to anyone? Is there an unwritten rule book, or a damn charter of who is allowed to be in our ‘group’?” I laughed dryly, sitting up straight and pointing my finger in TJ’s face, “Silly me, I always think of our group friendship as more of a marriage than a club. You know … for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, that kind of thing. Tell me, TJ, would you like me less if I’d been raised by parents who worshiped me, or if I didn’t have a dime to my name? I didn’t realize you were that damn shallow.”
I jumped off the couch, prepared to storm off toward my room in a terrific temper tantrum, but stopped when TJ vaulted off the couch and grabbed my shoulders. He pulled me back toward the length of him, and buried his face in my hair.
“Stop,” he said softly as he slowly brought his hands down my arms in a caress. I leaned into him, feeling the fight leave me at the tone of his voice. The sheer pain of that one word caused my heart to ache. I turned and wrapped my arms around him.
“Talk to me,” I pleaded.
He sat back down, pulling me to the couch with him, this time bringing me onto his lap so he could hold me close. I laid my head on his chest and waited, patient and hopeful that he would finally open up to me.
“You know a little,” he began. “You know my parents, Duke and Patty, were fuck-ups and that I eventually went to live with my grandparents, but you don’t know the details. Duke liked to drink a lot, sleep with anything on two legs, and loved to use his fists. On Patty, on me, on anyone who got in his way. He also loved drugs. Now … before you start to think of Patty as a victim, let me enlighten you on her. Patty loved to drink, sleep with anything on two legs, and she loved to hurt people. Physically, emotionally … whatever. As long as it brought pain, she was all about it. She also loved drugs.” TJ chuckled wryly, and I felt tears begin to well up in my eyes.
“Luckily, I was alone a lot. I’d get myself to school, do my homework, and do whatever I could to keep my bruises and injuries hidden from the school. Duke and Patty may have been horrible, but Duke had grown up in foster homes, and shared stories with me from a very young age, and although I put up with their fists, I never had to worry about anyone sexually abusing me. They assured me that I would if the authorities ever took me away from them. So, I found food where I could, and was always on the lookout for a good hiding place. They mostly took out their anger on each other, they each got off on it, but if one of them passed out too early, or got a little too jacked up, they’d come looking for me.”
He paused, and I tried to steady my breath so he wouldn’t know I was crying, but I was sure he’d begun to notice that his shirt was getting wet. He brought his hand up and began stroking my hair, and kissed the top of my head before continuing, “When I met Cal and went to his house, I thought it was a dream. I mean, there was no way that parents like that could be real, right? I also resented him a bit. Why did he have such a wonderful family, when I’d been dealt such a shit hand? I couldn’t be mad at him for it, but I also couldn’t allow myself to get too comfortable there and hang around all the time like Scott did. I was too worried that they’d start asking questions. I did love being invited there for dinner though. Sitting at the table while everyone talked about their day, and eating all of the wonderful food, I often made myself sick because I ate too much.”
I tried to choke back a sob, but didn’t quite cover it. “Shhh,” TJ said. “Don’t cry for me, Red. I’m fine.” I nodded against him as I tried to wipe the tears from my cheek and the snot from my nose. He lifted my face to look at him and I sniffled, “I’m sorry.”
TJ searched my eyes, then leaned in and kissed my wet cheeks, pulling me back to his chest. “One day, Patty and Duke didn’t come back home. I kept going to school, doing my homework, and going back home. I did my laundry, cleaned the house, and lived off of peanut butter sandwiches. I was happier than I’d ever been and I lived that way for almost a year. I sold stuff that we had to pawn shops, but ran out of things and money, and I eventually got caught shoplifting. That’s when the police told me that my parents had been busted for selling and using crack and had been taken to jail. They’d never told the police that they had a kid at home. That’s how I ended up with my grandparents. It’s crazy that I lived in the same city as them my whole life, and never knew they existed. I was rebellious at first, not sure what kind of people they’d end up being, and I was terrified that some of Duke’s stories would come true. It didn’t take me long to learn what wonderful people they were, and how sad they were that Patty had run off with Duke when she was sixteen and had never come back. They were the sweetest and kindest people I’d ever met, and for a few years, I got to experience true love and happiness. And then I lost them. I didn’t know if I’d ever get over that. You know the rest … I’ve been trying to build a life for myself. Trying to remain stable, because I sure as hell am never going back to that life again, but it sure does seem like no matter what I do, the devil is always one step ahead of me.”
I sat up and used the sleeve of my silk shirt to wipe the mess from my face, taking a deep breath to try and steady my half-broken heart, as I reached to take a big gulp of
whiskey. I offered the glass to TJ, and when he shook his head, I threw back the rest of the glass. I stood up and held my hand out, grasping his hand in mine when he took it, and pulled lightly to get him off of the couch. He stood and I wrapped my arms around him, hugging him tightly to me and trying not to break down again. I pulled back, taking his hand in mine once again, and pulled him toward the bedroom. “Let’s go to bed,” I said, eager to get him in bed where we could lose ourselves in each other.
Chapter 17 – TJ
I felt much better after unloading on Sasha last night. Cal and Scott knew my story; we’d had enough drunken all-nighters that I’d be surprised if there was anything that we didn’t know each other … Well, at least I had until I found out about Scott and Gaby. But, I’d never told my story to anyone other than the guys. It was a lot to trust another person with, such deep and intimate information about myself. In the wrong hands, that information could be used to hurt me, so it was interesting to realize that I’d been able to share it with Sasha so easily.
Already such an important part of my life, it was beginning to feel like adding sex to the mix had just intensified our relationship, and I began to wonder whether or not I’d be willing to give up this new aspect of our relationship when our twenty-one days were over.
I looked up as she sauntered into the room, the look on her face letting me know she was making an entrance for me. She was sexiness personified in a tight little red dress that hugged her in all the right places. Her ample bosom was on display, and the dress barely touched the top of her knees. Her hair flowed freely and wildly around her shoulders, just the way I liked it. I stood and stalked over to her, as if she were my prey, stopping just before our bodies collided. I dipped my head to her neck and inhaled her sweet and spicy scent, as I ran one finger along her visible cleavage. I reveled at her sharp intake of breath, and nipped her earlobe lightly. “You look hot!”
When I pulled back and looked into her sly green eyes she looked me up and down slowly, then leaned in to reply, “I’m not wearing any panties.”
I grinned wolfishly and said, “This is gonna be an interesting night.”
I kept my hand on Sasha’s bare thigh as we drove, gently running my fingers over her skin. I knew she wasn’t wearing panties in hopes of torturing me all evening, but I planned to give as good as I got, and I’d make sure she was as aware of her bare state as I was. All playing aside, I was a little nervous about dinner. I hadn’t talked to Scott and Cal yet after walking out on them yesterday, and I knew there were issues that we were going to have to work through, but tonight, I just wanted to enjoy a nice evening out with my friends. I didn’t want to bring drama, although I knew arriving with Sasha on my arm was bound to stir up some, but that drama I could handle. Being in a conflict with my brothers … That was not something that I wanted to happen.
When we walked into the restaurant and back to the deck where our party was seated, I walked straight over to Cal and put my arms around him. “We’re cool, brother,” I said so only he could hear. “We can talk about everything later, let’s just enjoy tonight.” When I pulled back, Cal looked me in the eyes and nodded, clapping his hand on my back for emphasis. I walked over to where Scott was talking to Victoria and did the same thing. When I broke apart from Scott, I turned to Victoria and patted her arm somewhat awkwardly. “Hey, Victoria,” I said with a smile, trying to make an effort to bring her into the group. She nodded her head slightly at me. I decided that was good enough and turned to walk back to where Sasha was talking to Cal and Shelly. I walked up behind her and placed my hand to the small of her back, just as Gaby and Brock walked out onto the deck.
Gaby took one look at Sasha, then looked down at my arm and back up, her head going back and forth between the two of us. Brock just raised his eyebrow and grinned. Cal and Shelly took it in stride, so I was sure that Shelly had already filled Cal in on mine and Sasha’s relationship, although he and I hadn’t discussed it. We’d kind of had other things on our mind the last time we’d talked. I had no idea what Scott’s reaction was, because he was standing behind us with Victoria.
Gaby looked sweet with her floor-length skirt and colorful top, her hair pulled back into a long ponytail, and when she skipped over to us as she clapped her hands excitedly, I was struck by how sweet and carefree she was. She’d always been the sweetest member of our group, and I loved her like a little sister.
“So … what’s this?” she asked, gesturing between Sasha and me. “It was the kiss, wasn’t it?” Gaby turned with a squeal and gave Shelly a high five.
“What are you talking about?” Sasha asked, obviously confused.
“I knew that if you saw TJ kiss me, you’d get jealous, and you’d finally face the fact that you had feelings for him. So … I talked with Shelly and we decided to bring up playing Truth or Dare.”