He took my dad’s phone number with him.
6
SEX
Finn
Nocte liber sum Nocte liber sum
By night I am free.
Alea iacta est The die has been cast. The die has been cast.
The die has been fucking cast.
Serva me, servabo te. Save me and I will save you.
Save me.
Save me.
Save me.
“Hey, bro.” Calla walks into my room, abruptly, unannounced, and I instantly close my journal, hiding my thoughts behind its brown leather cover. “What’s up?”
I smile, swallowing my panic, hiding everything carefully and completely behind my teeth.
“Not much. You?”
“Not much. Just restless.”
She hops onto my bed, sitting next to me, her fingers immediately tracing the letters on the front of my journal. She knows enough not to open it.
I shrug. “We should do something.”
Act normal.
She nods. “K. Like what? Wanna drive to Warrenton beach?”
To see the old Iredale wreck? We’ve seen it a million times, but whatever.
“Sure,” I answer simply. Because sometimes saying fewer words makes it easier to conceal the crazy.
We climb off the bed and Calla turns to me, grabbing my elbow.
“Hey, Finn?”
I pause, staring down at her. “Yeah?”
“You’ve seemed….off this whole week. I thought when you went to group a second time it’d help, but you still seem strange. If something’s wrong, you’d tell me, right?”
Youcan’tYoucan’tYoucan’tYoucan’t. You’re crazycrazycrazycrazy. Don’tTellHerYourSecretSecretSecret.
I swallow back the voices.
Act normal.
“I’m fine,” I lie. A blissful lie to spare her worry, to spare my pride, to spare me the humiliation of being dragged away to a padded room, to a place where keys are thrown away and the crazy people are forgotten, replaced by medicated shells.