The note is written in dark scrawling handwriting, that simply says, Thanks again.
The mere idea that Dare had somehow managed to get inside of my room and stand this close to my bed, sets the butterflies free in my belly. They whirl and twirl and fly against my ribcage as I collapse into bed.
I fall asleep with the flowers in my hand, and thoughts of Dare in my head.
His smile is the last thing I think of before I drift away into oblivion, and it reappears, over and over, in my dreams.
18
DECEM ET OCTO
Finn
I wake with a start, from the nightmares of broken glass and burning metal.
It’sRealRealRealReal. She’s deadddddddddd. The whispers hiss and laugh.
I gasp for air, gripping the bedclothes tight, as I fight the clouds of confusion and panic and fear.
Without a second thought, I pad down the hall to Calla’s room and climb into the empty side of her bed. Something stabs me in the back, and I pull out a bouquet of flowers. I stare at them for a second, puzzled. Then I realize… Dare must’ve given them to her. Suddenly and overwhelmingly annoyed, I get out of bed and crush them under my heel.
I want her to be happy, I do.
I do.
But… Not yet. I just can’t be without her yet.
Calla quiets the voices.
She’s the only thing that does.
I crawl back in beside her, curling up next to her and then I fight for sleep, ache for it, pray for it. And finally, finally, finally, the blackness comes, covering me up like a blanket, and hiding my crazy.
For now.
19
NOVEM
Calla
I wake with a start.
My dreams were strange tonight.
Dare was in them, of course, but instead of the sweet images I usually dream, this one was more of a nightmare. He was telling me something terrible, something that I couldn’t quite hear, but my heart could feel. It was something dark. I could see his lips move, but no sound came out. Until he told me that he’d go away, if I wanted him to.
And that was it.
I’m awake now in a cold sweat because dream or not, I don’t want him to go away.
I apparently have a very real fear of loss now.
I toss and turn, trying to get back to sleep, but since Finn is in my bed and my thoughts are troubled, I’m not successful.
So I pad downstairs, and out the door to the side porch. I curl up in a chair and stare
down the mountainside, at the rustling trees and the black skyline.