He knows it. That’s why he stands in the rain for several minutes more, for so long, until he’s absolutely drenched, until finally, finally, he drops his hand and continues on his way, through the rain and onto the trails.
He disappears into the canopy of trees, and then he’s gone.
Gone from me.
I realize something as I linger with Finn’s crazy thoughts in my lap.
I’ve never felt quite so alone before.
21
VIGINTI ET VNUM
I somehow pull myself together by morning, after losing hours of sleep, tossing and turning and panicking. By morning, I’m calm.
I have to be.
I can’t fall to pieces because I have to put Finn back together.
At breakfast though, he seems utterly normal and grins at me over his cereal.
“I’m sorry I fell apart last night,” he tells me casually, putting his spoon down and taking a bite of his bagel. He has an appetite. This is good.
I smile hesitantly. “It’s ok. I’ll keep an eye out for your journal, Finn. It’ll turn up, I promise.”
He smiles angelically. “I know.”
His calm demeanor almost alarms me, as though he knows I have his journal. But that can’t be true. If he knew, he’d freak out, and tear my room apart hunting for it.
“Do you want to do something today?” I ask him as I pour my orange juice.
“Can’t,” he mumbles around his bagel. “I’m going to sort through my stuff, and lean it down.”
“Do you want help?” I feel my eyebrows knit together. He’s acting so aloof.
He shakes his head. “Nah. I’m still not feeling that great. You should go do something with Dare.”
This snaps my head up. He wants me to do something with Dare? What the hell?
He shrugs, then chuckles because my astonishment is apparent. “What? You’re leaving at the end of the summer. You should have a summer fling. It’s on every girl’s bucket list, right?”
I roll my eyes at that, although my insides are leaping. He isn’t going to make me feel guilty for spending time with Dare? It’s like the Heavens are opening up and God is smiling upon me.
“I don’t know,” I answer. “I’m too young to worry about a bucket list.”
“Just go,” he tells me, pushing away from the table. “Dare was asking Dad how to get to Warrenton last night. You should take him yourself.”
The fact that I’ve been there a million times before doe
sn’t matter, because I’ve never been there with Dare.
“I’ll be back in time to eat dinner with you!” I call to him. He waves over his shoulder without looking.
I’ve been dismissed.
Suddenly I feel like I’ve broken out of jail, like I’m free and I have to hurry and make my getaway. I all but run for the Carriage House, and I’m still breathless as I knock on the door.
I’m even more breathless when Dare answers it.