His question is light and playful, but the meaning really isn’t.
Because what he’s really asking is… is that enough for now? Is it enough to hold me over? Enough to make me wait?
And the answer is…I don’t know.
I don’t know because if he’s waiting until the worst of my grief is over, he could be waiting a while. Grief is an unpredictable thing, and honestly, I don’t think it ever really goes away. I think we just learn to manage it.
And maybe that’s really what he’s waiting for. For me to manage it… my grief, my life, Finn. There’s a lot there to manage. A lot of obstacles.
But as I stare at him, at the way the light turns his dark eyes to amber, at the way the sunshine bathes him in a golden glow and the connection between us sizzles hot and dangerous, I know one thing.
He’s worth the wait.
Despite our secrets.
Or maybe even because of them.
26
VIGINTI SEX
Finn
I curl up in my room on the floor, where the dust has settled in the corners and the rain once again drenches the sill. I should get up and close the window, but I don’t.
YouCan’tYouCan’tYouCan’t.
The voice shrieks in my ear and I clasp my hands over them, holding tight, trying to drown them out, which of course doesn’t work. Because the voices come from within.
I hear Calla come inside, I hear her singing in her shower, happy with things that I have no knowledge of, yet I do.
I know it’s Dare making her happy.
He gives her hope, when all I give her is despair.
I drop my head into my hands.
Just a little longer.
Justalittlelittlelittlelittle.
She’sNotWorthThePainNotWorthItNotWorthIt.
The voices are insistent, but I know they lie. She is worth it. I can pull this off for her. I have to because she deserves it.
Act normal.
I sit up, brushing my damp hair away from my face.
For a little while longer.
I can do this. I can pretend.
For
A
Little