Blacker than my sadness.
I gulp back tears because I already miss him. Because I gave my body to him. Because I don’t want him to ever take a picture with another blond girl because he’s mine. Because he’s hiding something from me and because I want him anyway. Does that mean I’m weak?
I choke back a cry and pick up my phone.
I text him quickly, although I’ve never texted him before. I didn’t have to before… he lived a hundred feet from my house. But now he’s gone.
I miss you. Even though you have your secrets.
I slide the phone across my desk and climb back into bed.
I don’t know how long I sleep, I only know that it’s daylight once again when I open my eyes. Finn is sitting in my desk chair, watching me, concerned. He’s pale, his skinny hands clasped in his lap.
“You’ve got to eat something,” he tells me.
I turn my face away. “I don’t feel like it.”
“You’ve been sleeping for two days,” he points out. That surprises me, but I don’t show it. “At least take a drink.”
He pushes a glass of water at me. I lean up, take two sips, then lie back down.
“Go away, Finn.”
He studies me, his blue eyes appraising me, searching me. “You know, if you’re trying to show dad that he was right, this is the way to do it,” he points out. “You’re acting crazy… clinically depressed. Is that what you’re trying to do?”
“It takes crazy to know crazy,” I mutter and then I feel guilty when Finn flinches. Pain gushes through me, remorse. “I’m sorry,” I say quickly. “I didn’t mean that.”
He shrugs, pretending it didn’t hurt. “That’s all right. It’s just the truth. You’re acting crazy right now. If dad’s wrong and you’re really in a place where you should be dating someone, get out of bed and act like it. Show them, Calla.”
He stares at me plaintively with that challenge and I hate him right now for being so logical.
For being so right.
“I’m still tired,” I tell him miserably. I want to stay in here where it doesn’t matter that I’m alone. I want to stay here where nothing to get to me. Not mom’s death, not Finn’s crazy, and most of all, not Dare’s absence.
Finn shakes his head. “I’ll check on you later.”
I watch him leave, then grab my phone.
No new messages.
Dare didn’t answer.
I close my eyes.
“Get up.”
I open my eyes, and it is dark once again.
I have no idea how long I’ve been in bed, but I’m assuming it’s been another day. Or twelve hours. Or twelve years. Who knows and who cares?
I stare up at Finn.
“Enough, Calla. You’re stronger than this. Maybe you don’t care, but I do. I need you. I need you up, I need you to be strong. Sleep through the night if you want to, but in the morning, I need you to get your ass out of bed and quit feeling sorry for yourself.”
He’s firm and stern and brotherly.
My eyes fill up with tears, so I close them.