I’m unhinged unhinged unhinged.
I’ve come unhinged.
“Aren’t you tired of talking me off the edge?” I demand. “Aren’t you? Aren’t you tired of balancing on these cliffs and being afraid that we’ll tumble over the edge? I know I am. This isn’t life, Calla. This isn’t living. Love is stronger than death, Cal and this isn’t living.”
Her breath is loud, and I hear Dare coming up behind her, but he takes her cue and doesn’t say a word.
“It is living,” she says. “It’s living because I love you. I’ll do anything for you. You’re part of me, and I’m part of you and that’s the way it works. Please, God, please… don’t do this, Finn. Don’t do this.”
She’s crying now, shivering in the wind with her tears, but I feel lighter than I’ve felt in ages. In weeks. In months.
“It’ll all be ok, Calla,” I tell her. “It’ll be over soon.”
I smile and tilt my face toward the sky.
The sun feels good on my face.
Warmth = Life.
“No,” Calla cries out, lunging t
oward me, but I step backward.
“Don’t move,” I tell her. “Or I’ll do it right now.”
“Why are you doing this?” she sobs, her blazing red hair whipping around her from the wind. “Why, Finn?”
“Because things have to happen in order,” I tell her, as calmly as I can, only it sounds like I’m shouting. “You weren’t moving in order, Calla. I had to make you. This is how I’m making you. My secret. I’m helping you, you just don’t see it.”
“What is your secret?” she shrieks, tears falling onto her nose, her mouth, her shirt. “Tell me and I’ll help you, Finn. Save me and I’ll save you, remember? Let me save you!”
She’s sobbing and I am too and I can’t tell the difference between us anymore.
DoItDoItDoIt! The voices chant. JumpJumpJumpJump. Show her show her show her.
“Shut up!” I shout, covering my ears. “I tried, Calla. I tried. But I can’t do this anymore. Not even for you.”
I picture my list in my head, because it’s the only thing that drowns out the voices. It’s a clean page without mar or smudge. In my head, I carefully write the words, then cross them off because I’m about to complete my task. Finally.
End it now.
“I love you,” I tell my sister. I step back.
“Nooooo!”
The harsh shout breaks through my concentration and I pause on the edge, with the wind blowing through me, because the voice wasn’t Calla’s. It was Dare’s.
Confused, I look up to find Dare standing exactly where Calla had just been.
Red hair blows around my shoulders while my shoes balance on the edge.
Pink converses.
They should be black.
“Calla, step away from the edge,” Dare pleads. “Please.”
Calla, step away from the edge.