I cut him off with a quick kiss. I surprised myself by it, but it was right. And it felt so good. I knew exactly what they’d been trying to prove, but it was what I’d already known. Aunt Louise and Mrs. Wray and the rest of them didn’t need to open my eyes to how wonderful these men were.
I already knew.
If anything, their little lesson had the opposite effect, because in that moment all I could think was…I didn’t deserve this kind of loyalty. I was one foot out the door already with no promise of when I’d be back, but they’d still come running when they’d heard I might need them.
They deserved someone who knew how to give them the same kind of devotion in return.
And that wasn’t me. I wouldn’t even know how. Right now, all I could think about was running away from all the high expectations. Between Dash and Jackson, his mom, my aunt and their friends, I could feel a weight settling over me trying to pin me down. Wanting me to be a bigger, better person than I was. They wanted me to be like them, but I’d only let them down.
It might not be today, but it would happen. And I owed it to them to end it now.
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With a forced smile, I shrugged out of his hold and stood. “That kiss. It was goodbye. You, um…deserve, well, everything.” My throat was tight and it hurt. “Sorry to run, you guys. I have a plane to catch. But I’ll see you soon, right?”
Before they could respond, I fled.
I was out of there, back in my car. Running away again. One quick stop at the house to pick up my luggage and then I was free.
But for the first time in my life, leaving Bridgewater didn’t feel like freedom. Instead of feeling my world expand, it felt like the walls were closing in. That a door to something special was closing and it was all my fault.
Three hours later, I boarded my plane in Bozeman and told myself that by the time I got to Rio, I’d be back to normal. Once I was out of Montana, I’d be able to see clearly again. I’d be my usual self.
Just like my tan lines, this heartache would fade. It had to.
13
JACKSON
* * *
We let her go. I still couldn’t believe we’d just let her fucking go. Dash and I hadn’t been able to focus on anything other than the fact that we’d just watched the love of our life walk away from us. And left us sitting on her aunt’s couch.
Since we ran out of the office and told Chris at the front desk to reschedule the rest of the day’s appointments, we ended up at the diner. Lost.
It had been packed when we arrived, but now only a few tables were left filled and the owner, Jessie, was cleaning up from the afternoon rush. We had nowhere to go so Dash and I dawdled over slices of pie. As if a sugar high was enough to help this awful empty feeling inside.
“We should have gone to the Barking Dog instead,” Dash said. He slouched in the booth across from me and picked at the apple pie. “This is good and all, but whiskey would be better. A fuck-ton of it.”
I gave a halfhearted laugh that turned into a sigh. Then I said what I’d been thinking ever since Avery all but ran out her aunt’s front door. “We shouldn’t have let her go.”
Dash was quiet for a moment and I saw the same frustration on his face. He pointed his fork at me. “What choice did we have? It’s not like we could pull out the handcuffs and lock her up in our bedroom forever.” His quick grin was rueful. “Appealing as that might sound.”
I smiled at the thought. “Yeah, I know. I feel like shit. Maybe we should have done more.”
He nodded. “We told her how we felt. We fucked her six ways to Sunday. She knows what it’s like with us. What she’s missing. Hell, what we’re all missing. It just wasn’t enough. I wish I knew what would change her mind.”
I stared at my barely eaten pie, knowing we’d done the right thing, but hating it at the same time. “We need to have faith that she’ll come back to us, I guess.”
Dash nodded again. “She will. She has to.”
That was a great idea in theory. I’d been raised my whole life to believe that love conquered all. That once we found The One, it would all be smooth sailing. But what if our soul mate didn’t want to be with us? What if the idea of staying with us made her feel trapped? What if our soul mate was on her way to Brazil?
I knew Dash’s mind was heading in the same direction judging by the gloomy look on his face.
We sat there in miserable silence for so long that we ended up being the only ones in the diner aside from Jessie, and she clearly forgot about us. Or she saw the look on our faces and was avoiding us. Turning on the TV over the front counter, she took a seat and helped herself to a cup of coffee as she rolled silverware into paper napkins and made a pile.
“If we stay here long enough, we might just close down the place.”