“Then what did she mean?” I ask curiously.
“She said that I had a soft spot for Jacey and that I’d never be able to give her the tough love that would fix her. She said I’m the type of guy who will come to your rescue when I’m needed, and it wouldn’t be fair to me if I was with Jacey, because I’d always be coming to her rescue. She said I need someone more considerate than that, someone who has their act together.”
I swallow hard. “I think your Gran really was wise. She nailed you to a T.”
But I don’t have my act together.
Brand shrugs. “I don’t know about that. But she was right about Jacey. I came to her rescue a hundred times over the years. If I’d been ‘with’ her, it would’ve been a hundred more. So, Gran was right.”
Our food arrives now and as I’m eating the steaming pasta, I can’t help but consider that.
Brand really is the kind of guy to come to a girls’ rescue. And Lord knows that my life is fucked up. If he were with me, really with me, he’d constantly feel like he needed to save me.
I’m no better than Jacey.
I’m conflicted… between the desperate need that I have to be with Brand, to soak him up… and to let him go so that he’s not hurt by me, or by my life.
When Maria had told me about Jacey before, I’d felt so high and mighty, so judging. But yet, I know that I have to meet my uncle tomorrow, and he’s going to threaten Brand and me, and still I want Brand.
Still I want Brand, no matter the cost.
So really, when it boils down to it, I’m as selfish as Jacey ever was.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Brand
Talking about Jacey makes me uncomfortable.
Not because I still love her, because I don’t. Not in that way.
But because I can see that it puts Nora on edge. That’s the last thing I want. She’s been edgy ever since the dinner at her parents’. I don’t want to add to that.
“Jacey’s happily married now,” I remind her as I finish up my lasagna. “And I don’t want her anymore.”
“I know,” Nora answers. “And I’m sorry. It’s not even my business. Who you want and who you don’t want are your business, not mine.”
I put my fork down and eye Nora carefully.
“Since when?”
The entire time we’ve been together at the cottage, her actions have been contrary to that statement.
She shrugs. “I just realized that I don’t have the right to dictate anything to you. That’s all.”
I narrow my eyes. This is new. And strange.
“Weren’t you the one saying that the bullet has already left the gun and that there’s no going back now?”
Something soft flits through Nora’s eyes before she covers it up.
“Yeah. I did. But I can be selfish sometimes. Anyway, what would you like to do this afternoon?”
She changes the subject clumsily and now I’m the one on edge.
What the fuck?
I shrug, attempting to appear nonchalant. “I don’t care. Want to go swimming?”