I have no fucking idea. I’m feeling something for her, but I don’t know if this tightening in my chest is the beginning sparks of love or pure lust or a combination of both. I answer honestly, “I haven’t been in love.”
The corners of her lips tug up. “Oh.”
“Oh?” I repeat back, holding back a smile of my own. “You’re surprised that I’ve never been in love?”
Taking a sip from the coffee, she eyes me. “I am, and I’m not. You’re old enough to have been in love, but you seem like you prefer short term arrangements.”
I don’t take offense, even though I’ve never been the type to fuck and flee. Sex is always better with an emotional connection. I’ve had a handful of one-night stands. The only benefit I got from them was the knowledge that I need more than a casual roll in the hay.
“You didn’t love Alyssa Wells?”
I haven’t heard that name in forever. It’s a part of my past I’d like to forget. Getting pulled into Alyssa’s orbit was exciting at first. It was fun and easy until it wasn’t. She wanted a wedding. I was satisfied with dating. That spelled the end of that.
I reach past her to place my coffee cup on my desk before I do the same with hers. “No, Isabella. I didn’t love her.”
Her bottom lip trembles. “You were a little tipsy last night. Do you remember the kiss? We kissed.”
Reaching for her hands, I steady them in mine. She’s shaking. “
I remember everything about it. I want to kiss you again now.”
Her eyes find mine. They’re more gray than blue today, storming with emotion that’s just below the surface. It’s there in her face. I feel it in her hands.
“A four-letter word for an unpleasant emotion is fear,” she says, her voice quiet.
It is fear. That’s what I see in front of me. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on is scared to death of what’s happening between us.
Chapter 37
Bella
I didn’t intend on coming to the office to pour my heart out, but that’s what happened. After I left Barrett’s apartment last night, I went straight home. Gina wasn’t around. I was grateful for that. I needed time and space to think.
I spent most of the night weighing the pros and cons of sleeping with my boss.
The pro list was four times as long as the con, but that didn’t matter.
At the top of the list of potential negatives was a big one – a broken heart.
My broken heart.
It took me time to get over Emil. Gina told me it was puppy love. She said that when I found real love, it would consume me.
I laughed it off because my sister has never been in a serious relationship, but I’m beginning to wonder if she’s wise beyond her experience.
I can’t define what I feel for my boss. The physical attraction is undeniable, but there’s more. I feel an unexplained connection to him that I never felt with Emil.
I know that when Barrett looks at me, he sees who I am, not who he wants me to be.
“Tell me what you’re afraid of.” Barrett grazes his thumb over my hand in a lazy, slow circle.
I don’t know how to answer that without pouring my heart out. I don’t want to be that woman who scares a man away because she’s feeling too much too soon. We haven’t even slept together yet.
“It’s the job, isn’t it?” he asks before I can say anything. “You’re worried that we’ll both get fired if Ivan finds out. I admit I’m concerned about that too.”
It hadn’t crossed my mind until right now.
“Ivan is in Boston.” He smiles. “We can be discreet. No one has to know about this.”