“You don’t have to imagine,” he says tightly. “You saw it. You know what I am. And that’s why I can’t…I just can’t risk that with you.”
“Solon,” I say, my tone firm. “I already slept with you. You bit me and you stopped. You are not the monster you were. That was hundreds and hundreds of years ago. You said you were evolving, well, you’ve evolved.”
“You don’t understand. I will always be that monster. It’s the way I was made.”
“Made?” I ask, stumbling over the word.
He gives me a sad smile. “I’m not like the rest of them, Lenore.”
I blink at him, straightening up. “You said vampires weren’t made anymore.”
“They aren’t,” he says with a sigh. “Because of what happened to me. And others. I was considered a lucky one. There are very few of us left. The rest of them, they all died from their own inner demons, their own monsters and madness. We are a scourge on this earth.”
Oh my god. No wonder he was so adamant about me not turning Elle into a vampire.
“So you were a human once?” I ask incredulously.
He nods. “Yes. I was.”
“Oh my god. Do you…do you remember anything about that life?”
He sucks his lower lip in for a moment, looking away in thought. “Just bits and pieces. Sometimes I dream about it, but I can’t really fit it all together. All those centuries of madness drove my past life away, buried it in the tar.”
“So you were a human once. That means there is human still in you.”
“The human in me died when I was thirty-eight years old. There is nothing of him left.”
“Then that means there’s nothing of the human in me left.”
“Moonshine,” he says to me, placing his hands around my waist. “You were born to a human father. A witch is still a human. And even if you were full vampire, being a human doesn’t make you better. It’s not something to aspire to. What you want, what you’re really after, is humanity.” He tilts his head as his eyes coast over me. “And that, my dear, is something you have in spades. Yet another reason that you shouldn’t be so close to someone like me.”
I shake my head. “You’re the only one who understands me.”
I’m meant for you.
“There are others,” he says. “Wolf, even Amethyst understands a little, when she’s not spilling your secrets. There are other vampires out there, ones newly turned just like you. They come to this place. You’ll find them. And you’ll be happy.”
“I don’t want others,” I tell him, pressing my fingers on his cheekbone. “I only want you.”
“Even after you’ve seen what I’ve done?” His brow raises.
“Even then. You’ve seen me become a monster for a moment,” I tell him, thinking of how I was in the bathtub. “I know what it’s like to lose control. I know the shame.”
He observes me for a moment, frowning. Then he shakes his head. Strong hands around my waist lift me out of the chair, and then he’s getting to his feet.
“Come, I want to show you something,” he says, taking my hand in his. His palm against mine creates a flutter up my arm, straight to my heart.
He leads me out of the cigar lounge and through the doors of the club, then down another flight of stairs, leading to another underground level. He opens the door with a skeleton key, and we walk inside.
It’s the room where I was held hostage, though it’s completely empty now, no mattress, no chairs. It’s weird to be back here, knowing it wasn’t that long ago but so much has changed since then. I’m a different person altogether…half a person, really.
He takes me toward the section at the back, with the long floor to ceiling wood slats, the darkness behind it, a cold breeze creeping out through the narrow slits. The smell is strong, something I wouldn’t have noticed before. It smells like old paper and brimstone and…the dead. I don’t even know how to describe the smell, because it’s not the rotting dead, but the ancient dead. Dust and bones.
My stomach twists with unease.
He flicks another skeleton key out and opens the door into the room. There are no lights on in here, just the light from the other room coming in through the slats, but since both of us can see well in the dark, there is no need.
What I’m staring at is a bunch of old chests piled high, crates of jewels and gemstones and priceless treasures, stacks of folded fabric or clothes, and…