He reached for his drawing pad, considered pouring the visual from his brain directly onto the page, then thought better of it. He still wasn’t sure if Azriel had intended to leave the aperture open, and if the likeness was ever found, there might be hell to pay.
He also felt desperate to touch his own hardened prick, but he refrained from doing that as well, lest someone find him in such a state. Besides, he enjoyed the discomfort to a degree, like his nerves were raw edges, making him feel things with a clarity he hadn’t experienced before. He knew he preferred men, but tonight showed him that it went beyond that. He thought it stunningly beautiful how men could express their deepest desires with each other.
How he could be touched to the very center of his soul by another man, without them having ever used their hands.
Was that why Mr. Blackburn preferred to watch? Perhaps he did not find joy in the actual act, but only the visual. More likely, though, he was betrothed to a lady, and this was his idea of partaking at a safe distance. Galen knew well enough by now that many marriages were of convenience and only some of love.
For himself, he knew he would probably never have either.
But then he remembered Mr. Blackburn’s midnight-blue aura from both nights and how it resembled an interwoven blanket of sorrow. Still, his voice was strong in the room with Azriel, deep and throaty and tinged with desire, as if that grief had momentarily lifted.
His fingers itched as he thought about Azriel sitting in that chair just on the other side of the door. He didn’t think he could’ve resisted crossing the room to touch Azriel if he were in Mr. Blackburn’s shoes, that was how much he was drawn to the man. How much he wanted to unpeel his layers to discover more about him.
Alas, he was running out of time, and it was for the best. Madam Langley had her rules for a reason, and now he saw it laid out clearly. It did not bode well to be enamored with another in this line of work. There was no room for those feverish emotions. They could only lead to problems.
He pretended to be asleep as the men began filtering back into the sleeping quarters. Some washed up at the water basin, possibly for a second time, since there were also fresh ewers placed in each of the rooms. Others fell soundlessly into their beds, worn out from the night’s activities. In more ways than one.
His eyes sprang open when he heard the twins climb into Wren’s bed together and then wind around each other until they fell asleep. His heart lurched as he watched them find comfort in each other, and he was so lost in thought that he didn’t notice Azriel padding past his bed.
Azriel stopped for a brief moment, as if to check that Galen was asleep. But it was too late for Galen to pretend, so when their eyes met, a little gasp left Azriel’s mouth in the quiet space.
Neither spoke or made the motion to greet the other. They simply stared for a long moment before Azriel’s lips turned up at the corners in a shy smile.
Galen returned the grin, though he didn’t exactly understand what was transpiring. But it made his chest feel funny, like they were sharing a secret. Perhaps Azriel knew full well Galen had watched him tonight.
Or maybe Azriel wished it so?
That was probably rubbish. More likely, Azriel was only checking on him again, the way he did earlier in the evening.
But he also remembered Wren’s words: “You will know more through his actions.”
After Azriel returned to his own bed, Galen shifted onto his side and closed his eyes, his heart thumping in a steadying beat. He pushed down on his still hard prick, and eventually fell asleep.
Chapter 11
The next day went much like the one before. Galen had drawn a bath that afternoon with oils that smelled of orange blossoms, and it felt glorious.
He was nervous but also excited about the upcoming events, and the twins continued to throw him knowing glances all day—and not only because he was going to be wearing a moon flower behind his ear tonight. They knew—they all knew—that he’d been a voyeur the evening before, but they’d been discreet about announcing it.
Maybe that was one of Madam Langley’s rules as well. Though Galen could tell Oscar was practically bursting at the seams to make some joke about the size of Mr. Walters’s cock. Likely he wanted to ask Galen if it was impressive enough for him. Galen grinned to himself as he finished dressing in his white underclothes, just like the others.
Azriel had arrived in the sleeping quarters only an hour before, after assisting Madam Langley in the apothecary all day with new herbs and salves they’d mentioned at breakfast, and which Azriel had seemed excited about.