I had excused myself to give the two men time alone, but I got annoyed that Ian didn’t stop me, didn’t want me there. Upstairs in bed, I realized how possessive and idiotic I was acting, made peace with the fact that I was being an asshole, and let it go. They stayed up into the early morning hours talking, and I finally fell asleep around two. When I woke up to make coffee, I was surprised that Altman wasn’t passed out on the couch where he’d been the day before.
“Where’s your buddy?” I asked Ian as he walked up behind me and planted a kiss on my bare shoulder.
“He had to go,” was all he said.
But there had been more to it than that, because another week later, Ian had to report to training because Altman had been replaced with a new guy in their group. When I prodded him, he told me he wasn’t sure why Altman had transferred but he was certain the man had his reasons.
“Everyone has reasons, Ian. Don’t you care what they are?”
“It’s none of my business?”
“He’s your friend.”
“He is.”
I was confused. “So I could go ahead and request a new partner, and you wouldn’t want to know why?”
“That’s different and you know it,” he husked, leaning in, hand on my cheek to keep me still as he kissed me. He put his coffee cup down and used his free hand to divest me of my sleep shorts. When he dropped to his knees, I forgot why I cared that Altman hadn’t stayed in my house.
As the weeks wore on, my mind kept returning to Altman, and now, in the car on a stakeout, I had no way to tiptoe around the subject.
“Miro?”
I was good and caught. “What?”
“Don’t do the what, just ask your fuckin’ question.”
I coughed softly. “I want to know why Altman left that night and then later left your group.”
Ian let his head roll sideways so he could see me. “He wanted to fuck me.”
I accidentally inhaled the water I was drinking and nearly drowned right there. “Jesus Christ, Ian!” My roar was loud in the car. “Are you tryin’ to fuckin’ kill me?”
“Nope,” he sighed, “only answering the question.”
“Ian!”
“Stop yelling,” he said with a yawn.
“Then explain.”
Quick shrug. “He told me he was gay.”
“Why? Why would he do that just outta the blue?”
“It wasn’t like that. He trusted me ’cause I came clean with my team the last time I saw them.”
“You did?”
“Sure I did,” he explained. “I couldn’t have them find out by themselves down the road. It wouldn’t be fair. So I told my CO first and then the rest of the team.”
I was overwhelmed. “I can’t believe you did that.”
“You have to be honest with the men you serve with—they have your back.”
“And do they still have yours?”
“Of course,” he said irritably, like how dare I doubt them. “They know me. They’ve been in combat with me. What would have changed?”
“People are stupid sometimes, and the gay part freaks them out.”
“Yeah, okay, but not—you know, my guys. They’re soldiers first. The only thing that matters is do you carry your weight.”
I understood that too.
“But so I told them, and that night Altman was here, he propositioned me.”
I tried hard not to sound defensive. “And what’d you say?”
“What the fuck do you think I said?”
It was the niggling fear in the back of my head… what Ian could have or could do with someone other than me. I wasn’t the only man able to tie him down; he knew others.
I stared at him. He stared back.
I relented. “You trust those guys too.”
“Meaning what?”
I shrugged.
“I’m that easy to give up?”
“You know that’s not how it is.”
“Oh yeah?” he taunted. “How is it, then?”
I leaned into him, close, my mouth hovering over his so we were sharing breath. “I want to know what you told your friend.”
“And I wanna know what’s going on in your head.”
I went to ease back, but he slipped his hand around the side of my neck and held tight, making sure I stayed where I was.
“I’m not the only one who could be in bed with you.” It was true. “We both know it.”
“There are other guys,” he agreed. “There’s no doubt.”
My mouth went dry because this was another fear that rode me, along with him thinking that marriage was not for him.
When we’d started, I’d thought it was only me who could give Ian what he needed physically, but if the men he entrusted his life to were also vying to fuck him… it would be hard for me to compete.
He asked the question I didn’t have the balls to. “So why you, then?”
I pulled away, hating the conversation, mad that I’d brought anything up and wanting it to all just go away. Why I always had to push, I had no idea. I didn’t need to know this badly what had happened with his friend.