Without Remorse

Surprise! You thought you and your parents were just on a normal trip to the grocery store but look, that car from oncoming traffic is suddenly swerving into your lane.

Surprise! Your dad was hanging on in the ICU after the accident, but he had a blood clot and now he’s dead like your mom.

Surprise! That little problem you’ve had with feeling a tad bit anxious before tests and choir competitions has now turned into life-debilitating panic attacks.

And oh yeah, surprise! Your bank account’s empty and someone’s ruined your credit and stolen thousands of dollars in your name.

But… then, well, Nicholas was a surprise.

And yes, it was a sad commentary on her life that a thirty-minute visit with a stranger was the highlight of the last half decade of her life.

“Sloane?” Nicholas asked.

Sloane realized she hadn’t said anything for a while, maybe even minutes. But she didn’t know what to say. There were too many thoughts zooming through her head.

“I don’t know,” she finally said. “You see life one way for so long and… well, it seems like the only way, you know?”

Nicholas’s eyebrow furrowed and he looked like he was about to say something when a meow from the doorway had both of their heads swinging in that direction.

“Ramona,” Sloane said, softly this time, and her cat slunk towards her. There was an angry, red scratch across her nose, but it wasn’t bleeding. And other than that, she looked okay. She came over and jumped up into Sloane’s lap.

Sloane wanted to hug her close and never let her go, but Ramona didn’t like to be squeezed. Instead, Sloane stroked her head to tail and the cat settled in her lap and eventually started purring like a little motor.

Sloane grinned over at Nicholas, her eyes a little moist. “She’s okay,” she whisper-mouthed.

Nicholas smiled, a softer smile than she’d seen from him all evening. He upended his coffee, and she watched his Adam’s apple bob as he swallowed several times. He set his mug gently back down on the table.

“I should get going,” he said, and Sloane nodded even as she felt a pang of sadness. It had felt so nice to talk to an actual human face-to-face. And to get to be herself for once instead of playing a part.

Sloane tried to smile past her ridiculous emotions. “Thank you again,” she said. “It was so nice to meet you. I’d show you to the front door but,” she nodded down at the cat.

“Don’t mention it. I had a really nice time talking.” He stood up but his eyes were so clear and direct as he met her gaze, Sloane had to stop herself from sucking in a deep breath. Damn. Had she ever been in the same room with a man so magnetic?

“Um. Me too. I mean, talking to you.” She shook herself internally. What the hell? So he was good-looking and he seemed like a nice guy? And other than that slip-up in the kitchen, he hadn’t ogled her body during any of their conversation. A feat not even Tom managed. He usually spoke straight to her chest.

But Nicholas had genuinely seemed interested in what she’d had to say. And not just because he wanted to jack off to the sound of her voice.

God. She was being stupid. None of that mattered. She’d never see him again. Today was just one small blip in the monotonous existence that was her life. And that was fine.

Well, maybe she needed to make some changes. Tonight had certainly given her a lot to think about. Which was why he needed to leave, so she could—

“I want to see you again,” Nicholas said, taking a small step toward her but stopping before he crossed into her personal space.

Her breath caught. Really?

“Would you like to go for coffee sometime? Or to get a drink?”

And just like that, the light, elated feeling in her chest deflated. She couldn’t help her shoulders slumping as she looked down at Ramona in her lap. “I can’t.”

“Oh.” Nicholas’s hand went to the back of his head. “Sure. Got it. Sorry, I just—” He laughed and squeezed his eyes shut, then looked back up at her. “It was very nice to meet you, Sloane.”

Then he headed across the room towards the door. About to walk out of her life forever.

No. Stop. Sloane watched his hulking back retreat. Before stepping through the doorway, he paused, looking back her direction. His hazel eyes glinted in the light.

“One thing, though. Please don’t go around letting other strangers in the door so easily. It’ll keep me up at night worrying about you.”

Then he continued out the front door.

“Shit!” Sloane swore as soon as it shut behind him. She wanted to smack herself in the forehead. She was so stupid. Why couldn’t she just be a normal girl for once? A cute guy asks you out on a date, you say yes.