Finally he reached around and put his hand on her cunt. She jumped at the contact but settled back against him.
“You’re so fuckin’ perfect,” he whispered into her ear.
She sighed and relaxed back into him, a couple last spasms working through her body before she finally went limp.
“That’s it, baby. That’s it,” Nicholas coo’d. “Give it all up. See how good it is when you give it all over to me.”
Chapter 20
SLOANE
Sloane woke up with Nicholas the next morning and cooked them both breakfast. She turned on some music to drown out her thoughts. She hated that he’d found her like that last night.
She’d come back to the apartment and told herself she would be strong, that she wouldn’t relapse, that she wouldn’t be stupid and weak no matter how scary it had been with man coming in so bloodied.
But then her breaths started getting shorter and shorter and all the sudden she couldn’t breathe until she got in bed and literally hid underneath the covers.
It was fucking childish and ridiculous and she was furious with herself.
But then Nicholas had come home and… she shook her head remembering how he’d made it all better. She couldn’t believe how easy it was. Simply giving up control to him. It shouldn’t be so easy.
But that one question: do you trust me? God help her, she did. She trusted Nicholas in spite of everything. Yes, he worked for a mobster and yes, he hadn’t been honest with her when they first met and yes, she was probably crazy for trusting him… except, was she?
Underneath it all, she felt like she did know him—the real him. He didn’t delight in violence. He wasn’t cruel. He was kind and gentle in ways she’d never expected, even when he was dominant and doing things that she couldn’t imagine allowing anyone else to do to her. With him, it felt natural, and safe. She felt so safe in his arms, like nothing could ever touch her.
She scooted her chair closer to his as they ate breakfast, so close that their thighs touched. Having physical contact with him made her feel better somehow, especially considering how her mouth went dry at the thought of exiting the apartment and heading downstairs.
She shut her eyes and tried to steady her breathing. No, dammit. She was the one who’d fought for the freedom to leave the apartment and get a job. She wouldn’t let her stupid disability drive her backwards to a smaller cage. She refused.
But even as the clock over the stove ticked closer to the time both she and Nicholas were supposed to leave, her heartbeat ratcheted up, beating faster and faster.
Nicholas’s hand landed heavy on her thigh and squeezed.
“Look at me,” he said in the commanding voice that immediately had her breath easing and slowing.
She looked up at him and he picked up her toast, lifting it to her mouth. “Bite,” he ordered.
She did, and then chewed as he instructed her to.
“You are going to have a perfectly fine day today. No better or worse than any other day at work. Who’s on shift with you? Babulya or Veronica?”
“Babulya opened this morning and we’ll work together through the lunch rush, then Veronica comes in.”
“Excellent. So you’ll be nice and busy, too busy to worry about anything else.”
Sloane nodded, then swallowed the bread. She reached for her orange juice to help, her mouth was still so dry. Playing the day out in her head helped her sometimes, but today, all she could envision was all the things that could go wrong. More people banging in the back door. More blood. Or what if Tereshchenko’s men came to the bakery? What if they hurt Babulya? Or tried to kidnap Sloane herself in revenge for what happened to Olly?
“Sloane,” Nicholas said sharply, obviously noticing her breaths had started coming in shorter. “That’s it,” he said, shoving his chair back from the table. “You’ve already forgotten the lesson from last night? It’s impossible to be in control of everything, but that doesn’t matter. I’m always watching over you. Either you trust me or you don’t. Now. Assume the position.” He pointed at his lap.
“What?” Her eyes went to the clock. “But there’s no time. We have to finish getting ready and—”
“Are you disobeying me?” he growled. “I said, assume the position.”
She swallowed even as a sizzle of pleasure lit in her center. But did he really expect her to— She looked at his lap.
Obviously seeing the hesitation on her face, he pointed more vehemently. “I don’t have all day. Face down. Right now before I decide to add to your punishment.”
A shiver went down her spine, and it wasn’t one of fear or anxiety. Like last night, she let go. She let go of her fear, and her worries, and all thoughts beyond the single, clear, simple thread of obedience.