Ruthless Saints

Hailey pulls a little back and wipes the tears from her cheeks. She closes her eyes and takes a couple of deep breaths.

“Can you smile at me one last time?” My body shudders, and I blink the tears away so I can see her clearly.

She lets out a sputter and shakes her head. “I need a moment. I’m a mess.” Still, she looks at me with half a smile tugging at her lips, and it’s so beautiful, it makes my breath shudder from me.

HAILEY

This pain… it feels as if my heart is dying.

Seeing how much Carson is hurting is unbearable. I wanted him to show emotion, and now that he is, it’s killing me.

He looks at me like I’m all that matters. Like I’m all that will ever matter.

I close my eyes again and give in to the good memories I have of him. I remember how awkward he was when we first met. How hard I had to work to get him to talk to me.

God, he was so quiet.

My lips begin to curve up at the thought of our first kiss. The emotions he made me feel.

The first time we slept together.

When he told me he loved me.

His arm around my shoulders.

His silent strength.

His intensity.

His smile.

Opening my eyes, I look at the man I choose to remember. I smile at the one I fell in love with.

Carson’s lips part and a peacefulness washes over his features, then he whispers, “And for a moment, it’s not so dark anymore.”

Emotion wells in my throat, and knowing this will be our last time together like this, I lean forward, and framing his jaw with my hands, I press a tender kiss to his mouth. I hold still, trying to memorize the feel of him one last time.

It takes everything I have to pull back. “I will never forget the good side of you, Carson. I’m going to remember you as my recluse up in the Swiss Alps.”

He closes his eyes, and tilting his head back, he swallows a couple of times as he struggles with his own emotions.

A tear spirals down my cheek as I climb off his lap.

Carson’s eyes snap open, and he darts to his feet. He begins to reach for me but stops himself. Fisting his hand, he pulls back and nods, then he says, “Thank you.”

I walk away from him, and as the distance between us grows, I lift a hand to smother the sob escaping from me.

Today I tied the two parts of Carson together, and I’ll always love the good in him. But the ruthless killer, I can’t love.

Maybe one day, when it doesn’t hurt as much, I’ll think back on my time in Saint Luc and the ruthless saint who was my first love.

Chapter 22

HAILEY

I’ve been in Croatia for almost a month and have settled in Rovinj, a town that’s much busier than Saint Luc was.

It’s beautiful in a different way, the air filled with the smell of the ocean. I found a studio apartment that I pay for with the money I make from waitressing. I work the afternoon shifts now, not ready to move around at night by myself. That’s a step I’ll take one day… when I’m ready.

I’m struggling to find the joy I always felt while traveling. I’m still processing everything that happened. It’s getting easier to interact with people again, but I don’t get as excited when I visit a new place.

I still think of Carson all the time, and the fact that I know he’s watching me doesn’t help. It’s not creepy, but it’s not giving me the space I need to get over him.

Not that I’m sure I’ll ever get over him. It’s been two months since the incident, and I still love him.

I miss him so much.

When I walk around the town, I catch myself looking for him. Not once have I seen him, though.

Every day I have to remind myself I’m doing the right thing. But I feel lost, like a massive chunk of my soul has been ripped out.

We’ve texted a couple of times. Whenever I had a question I needed the answer to about what happened during our time together, he would always reply immediately.

But I’m running out of questions to ask.

Alexei’s keeping in contact with me. He sends me random places to visit. He’s become my tour guide.

Today I’m visiting Plitvice Lakes National Park, and as I slowly walk across a wooden bridge, I drink in the sight of the breathtaking waterfalls I wanted to see so badly.

I stop in the middle of the bridge and look at the turquoise water before settling my eyes on the waterfalls. A faint spray hits my skin, and I’m hypnotized by the sound of the rushing water.

My phone vibrates, and pulling it out, I see a text from Alexei.