Ruthless Saints

I missed this.

We stand still, neither of us pulling back, and then Hailey whispers, “I missed you so much.”

Then come back to me.

Another minute pass before Hailey pulls away from me. She gives me a wavering smile. “Are you okay with talking in my apartment?”

“Sure.”

I almost take hold of her hand but stop myself in time.

Stepping inside her place, my eyes scan around the small living room, kitchen, and bedroom.

“Can I get you something to drink?” she asks, and it reminds me a lot of the night we kissed for the first time.

My eyes lower to her mouth as I shake my head.

“Want to sit?” She gestures at the couch.

I hate how foreign things feel between us, and even though I want to pace the shit out of the worn tiles covering the floor, I take a seat. I rest my forearms on my thighs to keep my knee from jumping.

Hailey sits down next to me and turns her body toward me. I take her open body language as a good sign.

She sucks in a deep breath of air, then asks, “Can you tell me about Dimpo?”

I begin to frown. “She’s just a girl.”

“You said you helped her get home? Was she in trouble?” Hailey asks more questions.

I shake my head. “The less you know, the better.”

She stares at me, then says, “I want to understand what you do. Can you tell me anything about the… uh… contracts?”

I let out a sigh and turn my gaze to my hands. “Information can be a dangerous thing, Hailey.”

“It’s not like I’m going to tell anyone,” she mutters.

“You’re not going to like what I tell you,” I warn her, really not wanting to get into the grittiness of what I do.

She’ll never talk to me again.

“Please,” she whispers.

I close my eyes, not prepared for this conversation and the repercussions it will have.

“I had a contract in Egypt. I was scouting when I saw the girls. I went in and took out the target and two of his men. Dimpo was the youngest, and I had to take her with me while the older two made a run for it.”

The ache begins to spread through my chest, and I refuse to look at Hailey, not wanting to see the horror on her face.

“Were the girls there for sex trafficking?” Hailey asks with a quivering voice.

I just nod, trying to deal with the fate that’s been dealt to me.

Hailey moves, and at first, I think she’s getting up to walk away from me, but then she scoots closer to me. Placing her hand on my jaw, she nudges me to look at her.

Our eyes lock, and seeing the heartache in her gray eyes makes me feel like shit. Then she asks, “How many people have you helped like that?”

I shake my head. “I didn’t keep count.”

Hailey’s features tighten with an expression I haven’t seen before. “The people you’ve killed, were they all like the one who had Dimpo?”

Some were much worse, but she doesn’t need to know that, so I just nod.

Hailey lets go of my jaw, and pressing her forehead to my shoulder, she whispers, “I’m so sorry, Carson. God, I wish I could change things.”

My heart. I can’t.

I close my eyes as the raw ache eats me alive.

Chapter 26

HAILEY

What have I done?

Lifting my eyes, I see the heartache I’ve caused Carson, and it lashes brutally at my heart. I wrap my arms around him. “I’m so sorry. I was so stupid. I should’ve given you a chance to explain.”

I want to crawl under the couch and just cry. Carson doesn’t keep count of how many people he's saved but just the ones he’s killed. He sees himself as a monster, and that’s why I thought he was one.

But God… he’s the farthest thing from a monster. He’s a saint… and I treated him like shit.

I hold him tighter, wishing I had known all of this sooner.

I swallow hard and say, “In my defense, you really shouldn’t use the term assassin. You can’t blame me for equating that to a ruthless killer.”

I shake my head, and unable to stop rambling, I just keep going, “Also, I was traumatized. I wasn’t thinking straight.”

Carson just sits frozen, and it has me pulling back. Unable to keep still, I get up and begin to pace up and down the room.

What have I done?

Again the question shudders through me.

“And you did lie to me. It was a shock. Shit…” I wipe the back of my hand over my clammy forehead, “your collection of guns also didn’t help things.”

I keep pacing faster and faster as the full impact of what I’ve done hits. “Shit… shit… shit.”

My eyes dart to Carson. He just stares at me, looking a little confused.

“I’m so sorry I ruined things between us.” I stop for a moment then start to pace again. “Shit.”