God, those expressive eyes were incredible. I guarded my reaction at the way he looked at me, which felt like it was more with concern than frustration. And that made it worse.
“What’s it to you?” I snapped, bitchily.
His eyebrows rose in challenge.
“Nothing to lose patience about,” I added. “We’re not anything, so back off.”
“Huh?” he looked completely baffled. “What’s going on with you?”
“I’m trying to be cool here, but you’re being creepy. Listen, we’re both friends with Aiden and Carly so let’s not make this awkward.”
“Explain yourself, woman, and do it now.”
“I have nothing to say. Is your ego so fucking massive that you can’t possibly comprehend that I’m not into you?”
“You say what you say but the way you look at me says different so looks like I’ll be listening to your body language instead of your lyin’ mouth.”
I gasped at the audacity and shouted, “I owe you nothing. Back off.”
I hated the look on his face when I shouted at him, so backpedaled. “I’m sorry, I’m just not ready to date. I tried to go on a date with you and things just didn’t feel right. I got hurt. Bad. And it takes time to get over that kind of hurt. And it’s uncool that you’re not taking a hint.” I took one more haul of the strawberry flavored vapor and quickly moved past him to go back inside, not looking back. Not letting myself even though I really wanted to.
And I felt sorry for myself the rest of the day.
So much so that I had to organize a girls’ night out to find a way to cheer myself up.
And when that ended early and hadn’t had the desired effect of making me forget the craving, I did something stupid.
Really stupid.
I sent him a text.
A booty call text.
Totally stupid, but I was drunk and feeling sorry for myself, so I rationalized my behavior. I told myself I was doing it to get it out of my system. Get out of his system.
Give myself one night of wild indulgence. Which I did. It was exceptionally indulgent.
So, why then, is he sitting in my apartment now, a week later?
This is my corporate apartment and by all rights, I’m surprised I’m still here. The three months rent-free thing as part of my relocation incentive package was long since up. Because it’s the company’s apartment and there’s a spare room there has always been the chance I’d have to share it. Meryl left soon after I got here, and it’s been all mine ever since.
In fact, I mentioned concerns about time running out to Aiden, a while back because I got hired permanently but my employment contract said nothing about housing and my previous temporary contract had only promised lodgings for three months.
Aiden told me to consider included housing part of my salary for now, not to worry about looking for a new place yet, that if they needed the room, they’ll tell me and give me plenty of notice.
Carly lives upstairs and we usually carpool to work either in a cab or Aiden drives us and we constantly hang out together. Plus, I like it here. I’d been thinking I’d rent something else in the building once I no longer got to stay rent-free – something I can inject with some more personality.
But frankly, living here suits me, too, because my name isn’t on the lease and the fewer fingerprints and breadcrumbs I leave, the less chance there is of my past catching up to me.
So, more about that night with Jude…
2
Ally
Flashback: The Booty Call
A Week Before Carly and Aiden’s Wedding
Me and my stupid vagina. My stupid drunk vagina, making me send that text on the very same day as the smoking shelter incident, telling him to back off.
Me: How’s this for mixed signals, but wanna come over and get laid? Sex only. One night only. Offer expires in half an hour.
I know, this makes me a horrible person, but the girlie party ended before I wanted it to. I got drunk and Carly fell asleep while we were looking at wedding dresses online, so Aiden saw me out – not remotely interested in partying with me, and I went downstairs to my lonely, boring apartment.
First, I tried texting Sonia from work to see if she wanted company. She didn’t answer. I tried texting Stacy to come over to my place for a sleepover. She told me she was in bed already and too sleepy.
So, I wandered to the fridge and opened another vodka cooler, then found myself scrolling through my phone, feeling lonely, and like all I see are happy couples. It’s not like I have a lot of friends or followers since I’ve only ‘existed’ a couple months, but everything I see feels like I’m being taunted with the lack of action in my life.