I wince and stare at my hands, which are gripping the table’s edge.
“I don’t want to get into that.”
I’m not involving Scotty either; I don’t give a fuck.
“Why is that?”
“People who helped me stay off Steele radar shouldn’t have to be dragged into this.”
“It might be necessary.”
“Sorry, no.”
“Miss McQueen,” he tries.
I shudder and then look right into his eyes.
“Everyone who is connected with me is at risk of being hurt by Thad and Jonah and the rest of their criminal family. I’m not putting anyone at risk. I didn’t want to, I should say, but I’ve already put Carly, Aiden, Jude,” my voice cracks on Jude’s name and I take a deep breath and reach for my wine.
I feel a warm hand on the back of my neck.
“Hey,” Jude speaks.
Our eyes meet.
“I’m gonna be fine. And so are you. I’m gonna make sure of it, baby.”
I burst into tears and I’m quickly lifted out of my seat and taken to the nearest couch where he cradles me in his lap, hand to my jaw, mouth to my forehead where he speaks.
“Trust me, baby. I’m on the job now and I do not fail at my job. Okay?”
I nod. But I don’t say anything. I can’t.
He rocks me for a minute and God, it feels so good to be held. Too good. Too safe. It’s too dangerous to feel this safe.
“Listen, Boyd, let’s finish this up later, yeah?” Jude says, “I think she’s had enough for today.”
“Sure, Jude. Miss McQueen, I’m leaving my card here. We’ll talk some more tomorrow. The most important thing now is for you to hand over the contents of that bag you found in Jonah Steele’s car.”
I say nothing.
“Bye,” I whisper, not taking my face out of Jude’s throat.
“One sec, baby. I’ll walk him out.”
“I need alone time,” I whisper. “Can I go use your bath?”
“Of course.”
Jude gets up, setting me on my feet.
Boyd is already out of sight, so I don’t have to look at him with puffy, red eyes.
I head upstairs a level. But then I hear a meow, so I turn around.
Georgie is at the bottom of the stairs looking at me with pleading eyes. Maybe she doesn’t know how to do stairs.
I squat. “Come on. Jump up.” I pat the floor in front of me.
She goes up on her hind legs like a prairie dog and sniffs the next step before dropping to all fours and then hopping up. It takes her a couple minutes to get up, so I wait. And then she follows me into Jude’s bathroom.
All my stuff is still in here on the floor, so I shut the door and twist the taps. Georgie plunks herself in the midst of my open suitcase and sets about grooming herself.
The door opens about five minutes later and Jude leans against the doorframe, arms folded.
I’m covered in bubbles from a partial bottle of bubble bath I found.
The one vanity side had the bottom cupboard filled with mens’ grooming stuff and towels.
The opposite side was just cleaning supplies, but I did find a half a box of Tampax and a little less than half a bottle of lavender bubble bath, which made me wrinkle my nose at the idea that he at some stage had another woman in this bathroom.
“Do you not know how to knock on a bathroom door?” I ask.
He simply stares for a minute, before moving forward and throwing his shirt off.
Here we go…
My chest feels like it’s caving in right now with the way he looks at me.
I can’t seem to tear my eyes away.
He drops his jeans and underwear. He’s already barefoot. He walks over and climbs in behind me, immediately pulling me back against him and reclining back.
This tub is perfect for this position. Wide enough to comfortably accommodate us and long enough, too. Not to mention the slope of the back being perfect for lounging.
The ideal vessel for Ally and Jude soup.
He kisses my neck, right where that hickey is.
“What part of ‘I need alone time’ translates to taking a bath with me?”
“I’m gonna clean this up and you’re gonna feel safe again, Vixen.”
My eyes close and I say nothing.
“Alyssa?” he asks.
I gulp down a painful swallow.
He wraps both arms around my chest and squeezes.
“I hate that you’ve felt like this for months. Worried you can’t get close to anybody otherwise feel responsible for them getting murdered.”
I pull my lips tight and visions of bloody Carly, bloody Sonia and her girls, bloody Stacy, and then dead Jude fly through my brain on a reel. I even think of Ash and Stew the security guard. Anyone I care about, gone because of Thad.
“It’s gonna be okay.”
I wish I could believe that.
The crazy look in Thad’s eyes when he made his threats? I believed him. I saw visions of my loved ones piled up dead. And then after Cruickshank showed me those photos, it became so vivid. He was sending me a message. And then he tested me and clearly I failed. And it has occurred to me more than once that Jonah might have been testing me, too. Not calling for two days while Thad kept popping over. Then calling right before Cruickshank came over and saying he was gonna be back early?