“I wish you’d stop,” Ana mutters.
“Nobody likes a quitter,” Julian says with a cocky smile.
“You smoke, Ally?” Luka asks.
I shake my head. “Sometimes I’ll try when I’m really hammered because it seems like the thing to do, but no. I never liked doing it. I kinda like the smell of it on other people, though, which is strange.”
“That is strange,” Ana says, looking grossed out. “No offense, Ally.”
“None taken. It’s just that it reminds me of my dad.”
“Where’s your dad?” Aunt Ivana asks.
“Lost him when I was fourteen.”
The rest of the room goes quiet.
“Sorry. I know from Jude that you guys all lost his father, too.”
“I remember how my David smelled like it was yesterday,” Ana says quietly. “His aftershave. Sometimes I’ll catch the scent of it in a busy place on another man, but it never quite smells like it smelled on his skin.”
Roman puts his arm around his mom.
My chin wobbles.
“We play the Beatles greatest hits on his birthday every year and every time we make cabbage rolls, his favorite, we share memories of him. We should do that again soon. Enough sad faces,” Ana says. “You go have your disgusting smoke. We’ll make coffee.”
“Comin’, baby?” Jude asks, heading for the stairs.
“You don’t smoke,” I say.
“I’ll second-hand smoke.” He shrugs.
“I’ll help them make coffee,” I say, plastering on a smile.
More time with Julian with less people? No thanks. I have to find a way to put a mental block in front of the images I have of him in my brain.
“C’mon,” Julian says. “We insist. It’ll smell good.”
I snicker.
“Go,” Ana waves her hand. “We’ll make coffee and put out the cookies.”
“Comin’ Abby?” Luka asks.
She wrinkles her nose. “I’m allergic. You know that.”
He shrugs. “Not liking it isn’t allergic.”
Abby shoots him a dirty look.
“C’mon Ally,” Julian says again, giving me a look that’s way too much like Jude when he’s bossy.
Okay then. I guess I have to.
I slip into the bathroom on my way and try to summon a good poker face.
When I get to the rooftop, Julian is smoking a cigarette, Jude is sitting on a chair, looking relaxed and not smoking, and Luka lights up.
Roman is smoking too.
I gasp. “Secret smokers!”
“Jule takes the heat for us,” Luka jokes.
I snicker.
Julian’s eyes are on me. I look away, nervously pushing my hair behind my ears.
“Fuck,” Julian cusses under his breath.
“What?” Jude asks.
“Nothin’.” He blows his smoke out and looks pissed off.
Our eyes meet again, and I can see he knows. He knows I recognize him. I haven’t been doing a great job of hiding my awkwardness. I bet he called me up here with a suspicion.
I look at my feet.
“Come sit down, baby,” Jude invites, patting his lap.
I go to him and climb on. He kisses my jaw. “You good?”
“I’m good,” I say softly.
He tips my chin up and makes me look into his eyes. “What’s up?” he whispers. “You need to talk to me?”
I shake my head. “I’m fine.”
“Luka, Roman, give us a minute,” Julian requests.
I look at Julian with horror. “No. We’re good. It’s all good. Stay.”
Julian shakes his head, blowing out more smoke.
“What are we missing?” Luka asks.
“Forget it. Nothing,” I say quickly.
“You two know one another?” Roman asks.
“No,” I say quickly. “Absolutely not.”
“Well something’s fucking going on. What is it?” Jude asks, his voice lethal.
Julian looks right at us. “My guess: Ally’s stumbled upon my side-hustle and recognized me.”
There’s silence for a beat.
I stare at Jude’s boots, which obviously gives Julian confirmation.
“Side hustle?” Jude asks.
Ouch. He clearly doesn’t know.
Then, “Fuck.” That was Luka.
Luka obviously does.
“What?” Roman asks.
“Tell you later. Let’s head downstairs.” Luka butts out his smoke in the ashtray sitting there that Jude must have brought out before I got up here. Roman takes another puff and does the same and then they disappear down the hatch.
“I hadn’t told my older brother yet,” Julian says. “Or Roman. Only Luka knew.”
“Oh,” I whisper. “I wasn’t gonna say anything.”
“Your face, your body language said it all, Ally,” Julian adds. “And you would’ve had to tell him, or it wouldn’t have been cool. I could see you had a war going on.”
“Explain yourself,” Jude orders.
“It started out as a laugh,” Julian shrugs, taking another drag and then butting his smoke out, “Did it on a dare from a friend who was also making money doin’ it. But I’m makin’ killer cash at it and it’s fun, I’m single, so why stop, right?”
“At what?” Jude asks.
“Porn.”
“Porn?” Jude repeats.
“I’m makin’ porn. I’ve got some freebies out there on a channel and some premium content. I make advertising revenue on the freebies and a mint from subscribers on the premium stuff.”
Jude’s body is tight as a drum under me. I keep my mouth shut.
“And you recognized him?” Jude asks. “That’s why you’ve been actin’ weird since he showed.”
I shrug, looking at no one, because… awkward.