The conversation bounced between both of us with a lot of apologies and too many “I should haves” from both of us. He should’ve told me what was going on with his life, how there were dangerous members of his family he was distancing himself from (i.e.: Thad) and he really should’ve warned me about all the stuff going down to minimize the chance of me being hurt. If I’d known what was happening, I wouldn’t have been there to get in the way, wouldn’t have been even approached by the dirty cop, and maybe we could’ve avoided all of this. I get that he wanted it dealt with before revealing some of that stuff. I should’ve told him about the things Thad said at the wedding. I also should’ve called him on his business trip about Thad showing up at his house and making a pass at me. He said he got why I didn’t call him with concerns about his brother, instead preferring to do it in person. He also got why I reacted by running when Devlin Cruickshank showed me those pictures.
He was angry as he talked to me and told me with pain in his eyes that he had a lot of regrets about us.
It was just a big fluke that I borrowed his car and spotted that bag that was in the backseat. The family knew about the murder, knew about a bunch of things Thad had recently done and in his words he was ‘unhinged’ for a while before they decided that he had to be put away for his own good.
Put away or put down is what Jonah actually said and it made my blood chill to hear those words and see the look in his eyes. The way he looked at me while talking about looking for me, being unable to find me and being sure that Thad and Cruickshank did something to me in revenge for finding the bag with that evidence and the money… he was sure his brother figured out he was being set up and taking me was the punishment. The look in Jonah’s eyes when he said those things… I’ll never forget it. I also didn’t ask who killed Devlin Cruickshank. I don’t want to know if Jonah had anything to do with it – not that he’d likely tell me anyway.
I can’t help but wonder if there’s a new darkness in him because of all he’s been through. I know I’m forever changed by all of that.
I also know that some things happen for a reason. I believe I was meant to move here, to make a life here. To meet Jude. To have him sandblast my walls down whether I wanted it or not.
My walls may have gone up because of what happened to me, I might have changed because of it, too, but those walls also came down for the right man. My man. My enemy-with-benefits. My roommate.
Jude Novak is amazing in all ways. Great in bed, amazing in the kitchen, so, so easy on the eyes, loves my kittens, has a great family that I adore, is great at his job, and he loves me. All of me. My insecurities, my quirks, my craziness. I’m so fucking lucky that he used his alphahole ways to make me his.
We sat on the roof last night having a heart-to-heart about our dads. He opened up about being there when his mom answered the door to the cops with the news that his dad had been murdered. I opened up to him with a similar story about when we found out my dad had been killed. Jude’s loss made him uber-protective. My loss and how the killer was never caught left me uber-damaged.
***
I’ve got two more cupcakes left to frost of the four dozen I made before I popped the roast into the oven when my phone makes noise.
I frown and move woodenly toward my phone on the coffee table because that noise is not my text alert, but I know it. What is it?
I get there and it’s a nanny cam alert.
My stomach bottoms out as I lift it and hit the alert.
Wade is in my room.
I do a slow blink and then bring the phone closer to my face, as if I need to verify it’s really true.
He looks around and then he scratches his head and then sits on my bed.
He’s unshaven. He’s wearing a beanie on his head.
Fuck.
Does he have a gun? What is he doing right now?
I stare, dumbfounded as he pulls a phone out of his pocket and dials a number.
Then he does something else on the phone and my phone rings.
My hand covers my mouth and by the third ring, I can’t help myself, I pick it up and answer, cutting off the video.