And in the process, made me fall in love with him.
A tear slips down my cheek when I admit that to myself.
Oh God, do I love this man who tried so hard to be a monster, but couldn’t quite stop his inner hero from shining out. Despite his best efforts to appear cool and unaffected, he’s a man who owns up to his mistakes, apologizes, fixes them. He’s violently protective of me. He’s guarded and complicated, but those qualities only make it all the sweeter when he cracks.
I won’t let you hit the rocks below. Ever. You have to trust me.
Words Sebastian said to me on the cliff come back, pausing my hand in the act of packing one of Curtis’s book into my bag. Haven’t I hit the rocks? Seeing my brother at the bottom of the stairs, crying in pain, was my nightmare coming true. When I indulge my darker nature, I lose track of my responsibilities. When that happens, something bad happens to someone I love. I’m irresponsible and reckless. My mother did everything she could to help me change, but here I am. All of the progress I made in being good has faded away and I’m back at square one.
Curtis makes a sound in his sleep and turns over.
I have no choice. I have to do the right thing.
If I stay here, my feelings, my love and lust for Sebastian will overwhelm me. Blind me to my responsibilities. And the reason I have the responsibility of raising my brother in the first place is because I wasn’t there when my mother needed help.
Coming here was a mistake. Sebastian isn’t merely the man who created the wickedness inside of me, he’s the only one who can indulge it. If I leave, maybe I’ll be able to ignore the constant stirring between my legs.
How many times did he carry me from the room yesterday to use his mouth on me? I lost count. I lost track of the pleasure he sent coursing through me with every flick of his tongue, every pump of his fingers, every filthy word. He’s going to become the center of my universe if I stay here, and what will happen next time I fling myself blindly into passion? What tragedy is waiting just around the corner?
Leaving Sebastian is going to be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I can already feel myself making excuses to have him inside me one last time. I can already hear myself moaning in his bed, my head in a magical fog, the outside world ceasing to exist. Nothing existing except for Sebastian and the call of my destructive hormones.
I’m in the middle of zipping my bag when I hear the loud cracking sound.
When I hear it a second time, I realize it’s coming from outside the house. I shake myself and run to the window, looking out over the lawn to find…
Sebastian shirtless in the sunrise, his strong body glistening with sweat. He’s taking a sledgehammer to the perimeter wall, creating a huge crack down the center of one of the longest sections. His back flexes as he raises the sledgehammer again, burying it in the stone, sending rubble flying in every direction. My first thought is that he’s going to hurt himself. He’s not even wearing goggles or gloves or—
I stop when I realize I’m distracting myself.
On purpose.
Because it’s obvious what’s happening here and it sends my heart ricocheting between my throat and ribcage, creating twin pools of moisture in my eyes.
He’s taking down the wall.
More accurately, he’s taking down his walls.
For me?
Somehow I already sense the answer to that question as I run from the room, traveling through the foyer, out the main entrance and onto the grass. My chest is tighter than a drum as I approach him, fingertips pressed to my lips to keep a cry from escaping. But eventually I can’t anymore and I make a shallow sound, causing Sebastian’s sledgehammer to pause mid-swing.
Slowly, he turns around—and reveals a man possessed. His black hair hangs down low over his brow, sweat running in rivulets down the sides of his handsome face.
“Sebastian,” I say, unable to get my voice above a whisper, thanks to the strain in my throat. “What are you doing?”
His big shoulders heave with exertion, and absently I notice the claw marks I left. Great red streaks running down the middle of his beautiful chest. “The last thing I can do to keep you here.” He drops the sledgehammer beside his right foot, the tool hitting the ground loudly. “I asked you to face your fear without facing mine. I’m fixing that now. Look at me, Chloe, I’m letting out what’s inside of me. Just like you did on the cliff. Okay?” His eyes are clearer than I’ve ever seen them. Not guarded whatsoever. “I’m in love with you, Chloe.” He pauses, letting those rasped words sink in deep, permeating every bone in my body. “I don’t know how to be what my family needed. Or wanted. So I pretended I didn’t need them. But I can’t pretend that with you. I fucking need you, do you understand me? I’m admitting that out loud. You’ve made the world start turning again.”