“Yeah, I guess so.” And though this was exactly what Paul had been after he found he didn’t like the feeling at all. It sounded girly and stupid as fuck but he felt…lonely.
Empty, like a house with no one inside it. No, that wasn’t quite right… He searched for a better comparison and couldn’t think of one. There had to be some way to describe the feeling, right?
You find it difficult to describe because it is indescribable. When you have a blood bond with someone, with your dearest love, it fills a hole in your heart you didn’t know you had. When you tune them out, you sense the hole again as you never did before.
And what about…what happens if you…when you break the bond? Paul forced himself to ask. He felt a surge of sorrow so deep it nearly brought tears to his eyes coming from Laurent’s side of the bond. It creates a wound that never truly heals. Tell me, Paul, are you really so eager to do that? To end this when it is just beginning?
A moment ago Paul would have answered yes with no hesitation. But now he hesitated. Just finish the lesson. We can talk about everything else afterward.
Very well. Close your eyes and picture the radio again.
Paul did as he was told. Okay, I got it.
Good. Now turn the left-hand knob—the tuning knob—to the right a little. Until you see the red line in the middle of the dial.
Paul did it and felt his awareness of Laurent and the bond they now shared growing again. He couldn’t help breathing a sigh of relief as the empty place inside him filled. It was like having his hand go to sleep and then waking up again but without the irritating pins and needles. I was numb but now I can feel again.
I was blind but now I see, Laurent murmured in his head. The bond between us will enhance both of our senses and reflexes when we use it correctly. I will be able to feel the presence of the moon and you will be able to scent blood over great distances.
I already have a pretty phenomenal sense of smell, especially when I’m in my other form.
Oh, will I be able to shift again now?
You should be able to with no problem. But let us finish this first before you call your inner wolf. Agreed?
All right. What’s next? Paul asked.
Now that you have control of how much or little our bond affects you with the tuning knob, I want you to turn your attention to the knob on the right.
The volume knob? Paul imagined holding it between his thumb and forefinger. What will it do?
It increases or decreases the amount we ‘hear’ each other. Turn it all the way up and you will feel what I feel, hear what I hear, smell and see and know what I know.
Remembering the weird echoing sensation that had freaked him out so much before, Paul shivered. Why would I want to do that?
It could be useful if you ever need to know my location. If we got lost or separated from each other or one of us was in trouble. Do you see?
I guess I could see that, Paul admitted grudgingly. What if I turn it way down low—like this? He imagined doing as he asked. At once, he could barely hear Laurent’s voice inside his head. He could still sense him but the bond was like a low humming in the back of his mind—something he could easily ignore if he needed to. Oh, I get it. He turned the volume knob up, being careful not to push it too high so that he started getting the echo sensation again. When it was at a comfortable level, he opened his eyes.
“Gotta admit, Laurent, that’s pretty fucking cool.”
Laurent smiled. “So you see how easily the bond is controlled? It need not bother you at all if you don’t wish it to.” Paul frowned. “Yeah, but as long as we have it, I’m still connected to you.”
“And I to you,” Laurent said gravely. “Does that really bother you so much, Paul?
Do you really wish to destroy the link we have just forged?”
Paul remembered the feeling he’d had when he tuned Laurent all the way out. The feeling of being empty and alone. I’ve been alone inside my own head my whole fucking life.
It shouldn’t bother me. But it did. “No,” he said at last, reluctantly. “I don’t really want to break the bond. But we’ll have to do it some time. We can’t go back to Miami like this, Laurent.”
“Why not? Now that you see how easily the bond is controlled, why can we not let it remain intact?” Laurent’s words were reasonable but Paul could feel the tension inside him, the fear that he would take what they had and ruin it—that he would grab the beautiful trees that entwined within their bonded souls and rip them out by the roots. He felt a sudden overwhelming need to reassure the other man that he wouldn’t do that. He wanted to take Laurent in his arms, to hold and comfort and protect. But he couldn’t do that…wouldn’t let himself do that.