Forever Broken

“Do you really think I care about such things?” Laurent looked up at him and this time Paul was sure the moisture in his eyes was tears. “Mon Dieu, Paul, you mean so much more than that to me.”

“Well if you don’t care, you should. I care. You need to be free.” It was Paul’s turn to look away. “I mean, maybe there’s somebody else out there for you. Another Coeur de Sang. If you want to try to find him—”

Laurent’s eyes flashed. “I want nothing of the sort! If our time together has to end please don’t believe it is because I would rather be with another. You are the one I want, Paul—never doubt that for a single second.”

Paul smiled sadly. “All right then, babe. I believe you.” He slanted his mouth over Laurent’s full lips and gave him a gentle kiss. Laurent kissed him back with surprising passion—almost with desperation.

“Paul,” he whispered. “Mon amour. I know I should let you go but I cannot bear the thought of never touching you again, never holding you in my arms.”

“I feel the same way.” Paul hugged him tightly and then nipped gently along the shelf of his jaw. “I know it won’t be the same without the link but I want you…need you so bad. Maybe one last time we could—?”

“Yes,” Laurent breathed, before he could even finish the question. “Yes, I would like that above all things.” “Good.” Paul kissed him again, more urgently this time. “The water’s getting cold.

What do you say we move this to the bed?”

“Please.” Laurent kissed him back and Paul could almost feel the longing coming from the other man. If we were still linked I would know exactly what he was feeling, know what he wanted, what he needed… No, have to stop thinking like that. Yet it was hard to forget the deeper intimacy they had shared before, hard to suppress the yearning he felt to have it again.

They dried off and moved to the bed, clinging together and kissing frantically as their passion grew. But along with the passion, Paul could also feel his frustration rising. It was maddening, the feeling of being as close as they could get and yet still not being close enough. He and Laurent were chest to chest and groin to groin—he could feel the other man’s slender, erect shaft rubbing against his own hard cock as Laurent arched up under him, inviting him to enter. And yet…it was still as though they were just barely scratching the surface. The physical intimacy didn’t seem like enough, not without the emotional and mental link to take them deeper.

At last they broke apart, gasping. “We need more,” Paul balled his hands into fists.

“Need to get deeper somehow, damn it!”

Laurent shook his head. “I feel the same way, mon amour, but this is all there is now.

We must make the best of it.”

“I know but it’s like there’s an invisible wall between us that I can’t get through. I can’t help feeling that…that I need to be closer to you somehow.”

“You can be.” Laurent spread his legs invitingly until Paul’s hips were nestled between his thighs. “You can be as close as you want to be.”

“Physically, yeah. But it’s not…it’s just not the same.” Paul shook his head in frustration. “I want to feel you, Laurent—feel you inside me. The way it used to be.”

Laurent looked sad. “I am afraid there is no going back to that time, Paul.”

“Maybe not. But there is a way to get closer.”

“As I said—take me. We cannot be closer than that.”

“No.” Paul looked at him directly. “I said I wanted you inside me.”

Laurent frowned. “Surely you are joking. You told me yourself several times that you would never consent to such a thing. I even remember hearing you think that death was preferable to being penetrated by another man.”

“That was before.” Paul kissed him again. “When I was lying to myself. Laurent…”

He cupped Laurent’s cheek and kissed him again. “If this is going to be our last time together, I want it to be special. I want to remember it forever.”

Laurent looked doubtful. “I do not know if now is the best time to be searching for novelty.”

“It’s not just that—not just about doing something new.” Paul looked into his eyes.

“It’s because I want us to be as close as we can be, even if we don’t have the bond. I want…I want to give you something I’ve never given anyone else. Please, babe…I want you inside me, taking me. Fucking me.”

Laurent groaned softly. “When you speak such words to me how can I refuse you?

But are you certain?”

“Absolutely.” To prove he meant what he said, Paul turned over and lay on his stomach with his legs spread. Looking over his shoulder, he met Laurent’s eyes.