She sighed again, wishing for animal companionship. The priestesses were forbidden to have pets and even if they had been allowed, she doubted anyone would let her bring a zorel buck or even a zorel doe aboard the Mother Ship—they were too large and scary.
She had seen no animals since she arrived here but the Earth animals the humans sometimes brought to the parklands surrounding the Sacred Grove. Elli longed to go talk to them and pet the strange creatures, which wagged their tails and panted a lot, as though they were hot. She thought they might be called “cogs” or “bogs,”—but she was forbidden from interaction with the humans, as well as the Kindred warriors until after she had partaken in the Shriving ceremony and drunk of the cup of Mortem Amore.
Supposedly one sip from that cup would kill all the wrong and illicit desires that had been plaguing her all her life. Then she could put the shame of her past behind her and look forward to a serene existence, free of any lusts of the flesh.
From what Elli had heard, this used to be a voluntary ceremony—an extra step some of the senior priestesses took in order to make them be able to “See” into the minds of the warriors who came to them for help, without being infected by the scenes of sexual lust and pleasure they often witnessed during the psychic connection. But the Ascending Priestess Superior had decided that it ought to be mandatory for all novices before they could interact with the general population of the Mother Ship.
Thoughts of the Ascending Priestess Superior made her shiver and reminded Elli that she was supposed to be meditating. She tried again to fix her mind on the Goddess and closed her eyes.
Oh Mother of All Life, she prayed. I’m so sorry for what I did at the human’s Christmas party. I know it was wrong to want that male to touch me—though in my defense, he had given me the drugged punch.
Then she realized that sounded like she was trying to excuse her shame and she felt guilty all over again.
Not that it’s any excuse, she prayed on hurriedly. I have always had wrong desires—I admit this, Goddess. I crave spicy food and I love to work with zorels instead of sewing and baking as a proper female should. I am not ladylike enough and I am lacking in the social graces. I—
A loud chime sounded, letting her know that meditation time was over. But she had barely gotten any meditation done at all, Elli thought, feeling dismayed. She’d spent the whole time thinking of home and missing her old life, which was wrong.
But there was no time to berate herself more—she had to get to the Sacred Grove for the Veneration of the Goddess. If she was late, her punishment would only increase.
Two
Elli hurried through the plain white hallways with the other novices and priestesses and took the winding stairs up to the level with the Sacred Grove. As she stepped barefoot onto the cool, damp grass, she reminded herself that she was lucky to be allowed out of the lower quarters at all.
For an entire week after the incident at the human Christmas party, she had been in seclusion—forced to stay only in her cell doing endless meditation on the wrongs she had committed. By contrast the rustling green and purple leaves and the warm rays of the green sun above were a welcome relief.
But you’re not in the clear yet, whispered a little voice in the back of her head. The Ascending Priestess Superior has yet to pronounce your final judgment. Who knows what awful duties she might assign you or what punishment she might meet out when you finally come before her?
Elli tried to put that ominous thought out of her head and concentrate on the Veneration but it was difficult, especially since it was the Ascending Priestess Superior was leading the service.
“Let us venerate the Goddess, the Mother of All Life, who made and shaped us all,” she intoned in her chilly, distant voice. “Let us beg her to cleanse us of our sins that we might be worthy of her worship.”
The Ascending Priestess Superior was a tall, thin, cold woman whose hair and eyes were completely green from years of serving the Goddess. She was a cheerless person who absolutely never had a smile on her narrow lips and her sharp green-within green-eyes seemed to see right into your soul when she looked at you.
Elli had heard that life in the Sacred Grove had been lighter and less solemn under the Descending Priestess Superior and she could well believe it. Though she was dying of an incurable wasting disease, the old woman still had a twinkle in her eyes and a kind word for everyone. Elli had tended her as part of her novice duties until the Christmas party incident. Then she and the two novices who had sneaked out with her had been reassigned to “scut” assignments like cleaning the communal freshers and scrubbing the huge pots the gluey, bland ualla bread soup was made in.