‘I’m not ashamed,’ he growled.
‘You’re lying.’ She threw the words at him. ‘I’m not prepared to skim over the gritty details of my life just to avoid judgement. You can’t avoid everyone’s questions and hide our history for ever. Your family deserve the truth.’
‘I will give it to them...eventually. I want them to get to know you first.’
‘You’re trying to control everything—to manipulate them into liking me just so they don’t show the same bias you did when you found out the truth about me. The first time and the second.’ She shook her head, turning away from him. ‘I may have made mistakes, and I may be the daughter of a crime boss, but I refuse to live another day feeling ashamed and hoping that one day you might truly trust me or love me. I refuse to accept the scraps of your affection.’
‘That’s what you think of me proposing to you? Trying to create a life with you? That you’re getting the scraps?’
‘If Liam hadn’t been a factor in all of this you never would have considered marrying me...’ She spoke quietly, twirling the diamond ring on her finger.
‘Of course I would have, eventually.’ he said quickly, frowning at her words and at the dark cloud that seemed intent on pulling her away from him. ‘In Paraty, I felt the connection between us.’
She shook her head. ‘That was before you found out about everything that had passed between us.’
Duarte let out a sharp huff of breath, feeling the situation getting away from him. They were both aware that this marriage was to secure his rights over his son, but he knew that wasn’t all. He knew he felt more for her than he allowed himself to admit. But the idea of laying himself bare...
It wasn’t something that came easily to him. Not after all they’d been through, and not with the swirl of emotions he felt whenever he thought of how she might have left him.
‘I know that what I feel for you is more than you’re offering me,’ she said sadly. ‘When I’m with you, I can’t think straight. I think I fell in love with you that first night on the beach in Rio and it terrifies me.’
‘You make it sound so terrible.’ He looked away and steeled his jaw against her words, against the bloom of pleasure and pain they created in his chest.
‘It’s unhealthy, Duarte.’ She closed her eyes. ‘It’s like I have an illusion of you but you keep everything real locked away, out of my reach. It’s hurting me.’
When he looked back at her she’d slid the ring off her finger. She took his hand and folded the diamond into his palm. ‘You said you wouldn’t force me.’
‘I won’t.’ He heard himself speak as though from far away. He curled his hands into fists by his sides to stop himself reaching out and making her take back her words.
‘I’m sorry, Duarte,’ she said quietly, and she walked away, leaving him alone in the darkness of the empty deck with nothing but the sound of the waves lapping against the side of the ship to accompany his turbulent thoughts.
CHAPTER TWELVE
NORA STARED BLANKLY out of the open balcony doors of her cabin and watched as the first glimmers of dawn filtered across the waves. She had barely slept, and her tears had continued to flow long after she’d silently collected Liam and returned to her bedroom to hide for the remainder of the party.
Daniela had come to knock on her door at one point, asking if she needed to talk. She’d remained silent until the woman’s footsteps had disappeared back along the passageway, then she’d let the tears continue to fall.
She forced herself to get up when the morning light was bright enough. She grabbed her suitcase and began packing her clothes and Liam’s into her small suitcase, inwardly planning what she would say to Duarte when she told him she wanted to leave. She knew she was doing the right thing. She knew she couldn’t live the life Duarte was offering her, no matter how much she wished she could.
It would only make her grow to resent him. They would hate each other, and she couldn’t raise her son in a home without love and trust. They both deserved more.
A knock on her door startled her. It opened to reveal Duarte, still wearing his trousers and shirt from the night before. His eyes were haunted and grim as he took in the sight of her and the suitcase open on the bed. She held her breath as she waited for him to speak, her heart bursting at the sight of him, with the need to take everything back and fall into his arms.
But she stayed still, her hands still holding the clothes she’d been folding.
‘You’re leaving.’ It was a statement rather than a question.
‘I’m going to stay with my mother,’ she said firmly, feeling her insides shake. ‘She hasn’t met Liam yet. After a week or two I’ll get in touch and we can discuss how to manage things going forward as co-parents.’
‘I’ll take you there,’ he said quickly, his eyes sliding to where Liam lay kicking his feet. ‘I’ll have the jet readied by lunch.’
‘No,’ she said resolutely. ‘I meant what I said last night. I can’t think straight when I’m here...when I’m with you. I need to do this alone.’
He was quiet for a long moment, his jaw as tight as steel as he ran a hand over the scar on the side of his head. Then he seemed to measure his words, looking at her with a silent question before slipping his gaze away to stare at the open sea behind her.
‘If you need anything...’ He spoke the words on a low exhalation of breath, as though he had just finished waging a silent battle within himself. ‘Promise me you will call.’
She heard the words and knew what it must have taken for him to speak them. He was trusting her to take his son. She felt another pitiful bloom of love for him in that moment, for this broken, scarred man who was giving her such a simple gift and likely didn’t even know how much it meant to her. The gift of freedom.