Lying would be completely and utterly futile at this point. The mere fact that I got all tongue tied when she asked me whether he wanted to get married is already proof of my confusion regarding him. "He's very attractive, Ivy."
"I'm not going to argue with you about that. Why haven't you just jumped into bed with him?"
It's a question I've asked myself more than once. It definitely hasn't been for lack of opportunity. I know Caleb. I know him well enough to know that there have been moments when he's been open to the idea of sleeping with me. He's never come right out and told me he wants me, but I've seen the same longing I feel for him, reflected back to me. The only problem is that whenever I've gotten up the nerve to think I'll make a move, his interest has waned and my better judgement has kicked in.
"Remember when you first told me about how you met Jax?" I smile across the table at her. "You said he was a ladies' man before that."
"I said he fucked a lot of women before he met me." She tips her chin up. "He never told me how many but it's got to be a pretty high number."
I admire the way she throws out the words without any reservation. She can do that because she's confident in how much Jax loves her now. "Caleb is like that."
"It's normal for men in the city." She gestures towards the crowded coffee shop. "They experiment until they find the right one. Once they do, everything changes and they give that up."
It's a sweet sentiment and expected given the way that Ivy views life. She's convinced that every person has a soul mate they're destined to find. I'm more grounded. I think we're bound to make connections in our lives that fill a need. Sometimes those connections last and other times, they fade. I want a relationship like the one Ivy and Jax have, but I'm clear minded enough to know that I may never find that.
"The right one has to be someone you share the same vision with," I say quietly. "Caleb and I are completely different people and I don't want to risk the friendship we do have even though it's hanging by a thread."
"What does that mean?"
"There was a time when I thought Caleb could do no wrong," I admit sheepishly. "I'm not that naïve anymore. I know that no man is perfect but he does things I don't understand, Ivy. It's not just the stuff with his brothers. It's how he uses women and flaunts his wealth. He's not the same boy who used to share an ice cream cone with me when we were kids."
"That boy is still inside of him somewhere." She pats the top of my hand. "The difference now is that he's lost sight of him. You need to help him find that part of him again."
"I don't need to do that." I sigh heavily as I run my finger over the rim of the mug. "He likes who he is. He's happy with the man he is."
"Then you just have to find a way to accept him the way he is."
"Or," I ready myself to say the words. "Maybe I have to walk away from Caleb and our friendship for good."
Chapter 14
"Why aren't you in Dallas?"
I knew that this conversation was coming. I thought I'd be forced into it yesterday but Clive had taken the day off to spend it with his wife. Typically when he does that, he has a glow about him that lasts for days. Apparently, the glow has already dissipated into the ether.
"I sent Jordan," I say effortlessly without looking up from my laptop screen. "I had too much to do here."
"You sent her husband along for the ride?" He can't mask the obvious amusement in his tone. "Is he on payroll now?"
I know he's asking because it's expected. He's a shrewd and level headed businessman but he does have a heart that most people never get a clear glimpse of. I'm hoping that if I ignore the question he'll move onto another topic of discussion.
"Why did you send Jordan's husband with her?" He traces his index finger over the edge of my laptop. "You know I wouldn't have approved that."
"I know that you trust me to make decisions that benefit the company," I counter. "I saw it as a good investment."
"A good investment?" he asks gruffly. "You're going to need to explain that one to me, Rowan."
I slam my laptop shut before I look up into his face. "Did you cut your hair? It's shorter than normal."
He runs his hand over his hair. "Lilly wanted to see it short. Do you like it?"
"I love it." I nod slightly. "You trimmed your beard too?"
"We had a spa day," he whispers quietly as he leans one hand against my desk. "I swear to God that woman can get me to do anything for her."
"It was a fun day?" I'm not sure why I even ask. The beaming grin on his face is giving everything away.
"One of the best," he answers quickly. "An entire day with the woman I love is a gift to me. I need to do that more. It regenerates me."