"It's not that simple," she says, defeat coursing over the words. "I've never told anyone about it."
That's progress. It's a small confession but it's telling. This has been pulling at her for years. She's hidden it away from everyone.
"I can't tell you, Nathan." She lowers herself onto the corner of the bed, her back still turned to me. "I can't talk about it."
He hurt her. He hurt her in ways that have now defined her. "What did he do to you?"
"I did it to myself." Her voice is so soft. It filters into the room with a silent ease. "I made my own choices."
"I can help you." I'm around the bed now, standing in front of her. "Let me help you."
She looks up and in that instant I see a different person within her eyes. The soft, gentle soul that is always staring back at me has been replaced by a vacant shell. "No one can help me."
I'm on my knees now, my hands resting on either side of her body. "Jessica. It's me. We tell each other everything. Just fucking tell me."
Her eyes scan my face and for a brief moment her lips part. "I…" her voice trails as my cell phone starts ringing again.
I look to where it's sitting on the nightstand. It's too late for anyone to be calling unless it's an emergency. I ignore it. I have to. Nothing that anyone else has to say to me will ever be as important as this. "I need you to tell me what happened between you and him."
She turns back to look at the still ringing phone. "You should get it."
I shake my head briskly from side-to-side. "No. Jessica, listen to me."
"Get the phone."
I don't move. I wait until the ringing stops. "You're ripping my heart out. Just tell me what the fuck happened to you."
Her hand slides from her lap up my arm to my face. She cradles my cheek within her small palm. Just as she bites her bottom lip a single tear falls from her eye. "I did something bad."
I feel her pain through me. It bites into my heart. "I can help you. Just tell me."
She hesitates before leaning forward to kiss me softly on my mouth. Her lips are lush and warm. I lean into the kiss. I know she needs the physical connection to feel close to me. I need that too.
I feel lost the moment she pulls back. "It was so long ago, Nathan. I can't change any of it now."
I scoop her hand into mine and bring it to my lips. I need to kiss her still. I want to feel my lips touching her. "You don't need to change it. You can share it. It will help."
"Nothing will help." Her tone is stronger and more determined. "Nothing will ever change what I did."
She wants me to give up. I can see in her eyes that she's growing weary. I'm exhausting her with my unending assault. I need to get to the bottom of what's going on with her. I need her to tell me before this thing pulls her away from me for good. "I'm not going to give up, Jessica," I say with determined clarity. "You have to tell me."
She pulls back, her hand dropping from mine. "I can't."
"I need you to."
She taps her foot on the hardwood floor. She's restless. She's aching to bolt but I'm trapping her body with mine. It's as much to take comfort in how close we are as it is to keep her in place.
"I won't tell you."
I lean forward resting my head briefly in her lap. "You have to tell me."
I feel her fingers weave through my hair before she harshly pulls my head back up. She stares at me in silence, her eyes never wavering from mine. "You aren't listening to me, Nathan."
I'm exasperated. I can't keep running in the same circle trying to catch her. She has to give me a little. If she won't, I don't know how the two of us can move forward. "I am listening to you. We are in a relationship with each other, Jessica," I say each word with force. "I love you. I need you to be honest with me. I need you to tell me what the fuck happened between you and Thomas."
Her back tenses. I see the strength return to her face. Her chin juts up, her shoulders bolt forward and she looks me right in the eyes. "It's none of your business."
I recoil so strongly that I fall backwards. My ass hits the hardwood floor with a dull thud. I stare up at her. Her expression is empty and void of anything. I don't say a word as she stands, steps over me and walks out of the bedroom.