I push my back into the bench to gain distance from the words. They're harsh. They're almost brutal in their message. "What did you say to her?"
He closes his eyes tightly as he leans forward. "I told her to go right ahead. I said he was second best and always would be."
"She did it to get back at you?"
His mouth thins. "She thought it would hurt me. I didn't take her seriously. I knew Ben was devoted to his girlfriend. They were talking about getting married at some point."
Even though I know that the words were spoken from the mouth of a boy barely old enough to vote they still sting. Thinking about Ben planning a life with a woman he once loved hurts. It also helps place his questions about Parker. He loved a woman the same way I loved him. The promise that first love holds can be so hard to break free from. "What did you say to Ben when you found out about her? When you knew he'd slept with Sammy?"
His eyes rake over my face slowly. I see nothing but intense pain in his gaze. "I've never talked to Ben about it."
"Why?"
"Until you told me that Sammy was the woman he said he was with that day, I thought he was lying, Kayla." His voice is thick and soft. "I thought he was fucking lying about it all."
"About what, Noah?" I reach to grab his arm. "What did you think he was lying about?"
"He wouldn’t tell anyone the name of the woman he said he was with that day." He drops his head into his hands. "We all assumed he couldn't give a name because he was lying. My father and I never believed a woman was actually there."
"What?" I bark the word into his face. "Why would he hide the fact that he slept with her?"
"Kayla." He grabs my hand. "My father sat with Ben in the guesthouse for more than an hour before he brought him back to the main house."
I pull on his hand, trying to lodge free all the answers I need. "Just tell me, Noah. Please. None of this is making any sense to me."
"I was alone in that house for so long." His hand is free of mine now and resting against his lips. "I had to call someone."
"Why didn’t you just go down to the guesthouse to see Ben?" I already know the answer to that. Noah was fuming with anger over his mother's death. The last thing he wanted was to look at Ben.
"I couldn't do it." He fists his hand against his thigh. "I was in shock. I didn't want to leave my mother's side. I knew the coroner was coming to get her and I couldn't let her go."
"I'm sorry, Noah." I offer to try and center him again. "I'm so sorry you lost her."
"I fucked up so badly, Kayla." His eyes fill with tears. "I've fucked everything up."
"What are you talking about?" I reach to grab his hand again. "Please just tell me."
"When my father brought Ben up to the main house to talk to the police she was already there."
"Your mother was still there?" I try to string together all the disjointed things he's throwing at me. "You were still sitting with your mother then?"
"No." He pants the word out. "No."
"What then?" I'm weighted with so much anxiety I'm fearful my heart is going to stop beating. "Just tell me what was going on in that house."
"Ben walked in. He was clinging to my father. He was crying." Noah's voice cracks as tears start flowing down his cheeks. "He was talking about a woman. He kept saying that she saw him attach the oxygen tank. She was there when he did it and my father could ask her if he wanted. He kept repeating that he was sorry."
I nod. I can picture a younger version of Ben broken from the knowledge that his mother had just died. "He felt so badly, Noah."
"When he finally looked up…" his voice stops. "Kayla, when he finally looked up he stared right at her."
"Who?" I spit the word out.
"I called her over because there was no one else. I couldn't sit there alone anymore."
"Who? Noah t
ell me who."