“No.”
“Yes, damn it,” I growled. “Or are you that afraid of your past?”
“You know nothing about my past!” she screamed, her voice almost rattling the windows. “Stop psychoanalyzing me! It’s bullshit! You know nothing!”
“So, tell me something.”
Her chest heaved; she glanced at the fireplace and shook her head. “When you spend your teen years being so horrible, so terrible, so… bad…” She flinched. “…the last thing you want to do is be anything like that person you were, or even the things associated with it.”
I nodded. “You don’t really want to be a teacher, do you?”
She said nothing.
“What would you do with your
life if you have a choice?”
“Who says I don’t?” she snapped.
“You do,” I argued. “So tell me, what would you do?”
“Everything.” She sighed longingly. “I’d do everything. I’d live. Drive fast cars again and forget the bad memories with them… maybe that’s it. I’d do every single thing I did when I was younger, only I’d make it better so I wouldn’t associate everything that used to be fun with pure evil.”
“You’ve come to the right place.”
“Real life isn’t a movie, and I think we already established you aren’t part of Mulan’s family, so I highly doubt that means you hail from the good fairies.”
I watched the torture flicker across her face. She was a girl who used to push limits, just like Taylor, only he’d ruined every single thing that could have been good. I had a vision of him finding joy in that. He always did find joy in the perverse of taking something so pure and tainting it. With Lisa, I was sure he’d seen the dark and thought… finally someone who can join me in my misery, someone I can alter forever.
And he had.
“One thing,” I asked. “Name one thing that was ruined for Melanie that Lisa wants to do.”
“Drive a Ferrari,” she said quickly. “You’re not Obi-Wan. You don’t get to know why. Just know… it was… ruined.” Her face paled. “But driving fast used to be one of my favorite things to do. It felt… free.”
“I’ll toast to that.” I lifted my glass and clinked it to hers.
Her eyes narrowed. “Don’t tell me.” She took a slow sip of the wine. “You have a Ferrari.”
I leaned forward so tempted to lick the liquid from her lips. “If I didn’t, I’d buy one just to see you let go.”
“Is this about me or you, Tristan?”
I smiled — a genuine smile. “It’s always been about both of us, Lisa. I’d think you’d know that by now. Besides, I was always the good son, remember? I’ve never even gotten a speeding ticket. I think it’s about time.”
“How?” she whispered, her lips pulled tight like she was trying not to reveal any sort of emotion. “How do you see so much when I try so hard to hide it?”
I wanted to tell her the truth right then, tell her I knew more than I’d let on, tell her I was sorry and ask her point blank what she knew. Maybe she’d forgive me; maybe we could move past the pain together. I glanced up at her again. She was shivering even though she was in front of the fireplace.
Gaining her trust was the only way to gain her knowledge.
Falling for her hadn’t ever been part of the plan, but I imagined it was too late. I was caught in the spell of her. She intrigued me, like a puzzle I was struggling hard to figure out. I knew once I did, I’d be rewarded with knowing the most amazing person in the world.
So I answered as honestly as I could. “Madness…” My voice dropped low. “…recognizes madness.”
She gasped, her eyes narrowing. “I’m not crazy.”
“Crazy people think everyone else is crazy, and they’re sane. Believe me when I say I know you’re not crazy. I’m talking about a different type of madness. The kind that follows you into your dreams, only to haunt you when you’re awake. A madness that sucks joy out of every good thing in life and makes you feel guilty about smiling. Madness…” I repeated slowly. “…in its definition is going in circles, repeating the same process over and over again, knowing you’re going to get the same result but refusing to stop anyway.”