“Shit! Shit! Shit!” I ran my hands through my hair and slowed down as I made my way back toward the dorms. What the hell could I give him to keep him from going to press? I had money but couldn’t access all of it until I was twenty-two, which wasn’t for another four months. I got a monthly stipend of five grand a month. I could take my money out of all my investments but would that solve anything? Would he ever stop? I could give him everything I had, which was roughly ten mill, and he’d probably still find a way to spend it all and come after me. It wasn’t the money. I wasn’t stupid. I was his cash cow. He was still pissed I’d walked away.
Funny. Dad hadn’t been upset that my squeaky clean image had been wrecked by drug usage, drinking, and the horror that followed. He was pissed that I’d run, that I’d given up what was, in his estimation, a gold mine.
I jogged past my dorm.
And jumped onto my old Harley. I needed out — an escape. Drugs were out of the question — which left only one thing.
I rode as hard as I could toward the music building. My bike almost fell over as I parked it and ran up the stairs to one of the private rooms. Once inside I locked the door behind me, pulled the blinds down, and sat at the piano.
My heart pounded in my chest as the ivory keys stared back at me — called to me.
My addiction.
Four years.
I’d stayed away from the piano for four damn years.
Not anymore.
The bomb went off, the timer dinged, my hands caressed the piano. I groaned aloud and slumped onto the wooden bench, my body taking its natural position over the instrument.
I wasn’t even sure I knew how to play anymore — how to sing — how to communicate what was eating up my soul — slowly poisoning me.
But I had to try.
The minute I pressed the keys, need poured out until my shaking hands were hovering over the piano, and before I could stop myself, I started playing. I played the songs of my teen years, and then finally — as if my hands couldn’t keep themselves from playing the melody — I played her song.
A strange sort of madness washed over me as I pounded harder and harder. Maybe if I played hard enough she’d come back, maybe I’d get a re-do and the last four years would be nothing more than a horrible nightmare.
I fought tears and then banged my hands across the piano as hard as I could. Cursing the past that was finally catching up to me.
Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock, with each slam of my fingers the cadence in my chest quickened.
I was so done.
Part of me had known I couldn’t last this long.
Hell, it was a miracle I’d been able to put on such a show to begin with — then again I was an incredible actor. I should have won an Oscar.
My life was one big epic joke.
Finally, like a piece of steel getting manipulated and bent — I broke. A tear rolled down my face and dripped onto the piano.
My pointer finger slid over the tear as I wiped it from the ivory keys. Tears had never helped me. But sex? Hell, yeah. I was a freaking god with the right girl — most of the time with the wrong ones. And every conquest made me feel more godlike, impenetrable, stronger, able to withstand everything. Except it had really only been building a fortress around me. But in the moment, I could be everything I ever promised those girls — her — that I’d never really be. I could put away the fractured pieces of my heart and pretend like the past didn’t matter, only the moment. So I took each mo
ment with each girl for what it was, an opportunity to turn into what years ago would have been my worst nightmare.
For a time. It worked.
Because for a second I could believe I’d never been him to begin with. I was Gabe.
The only problem?
It wasn’t even my real name.
Chapter Four
Pretty sure using drumsticks to play the piano was frowned upon. —Saylor