“Hmm.” His hands moved to my shoulders. “Play it out.”
“I can’t even find the beginning, let alone the ending, Gabe.”
“So?” He pushed down on my shoulders. “There’s gotta be a middle in there somewhere. Find that.”
I slammed my hands down onto the piano.
“Good,” he encouraged.
I slammed them again.
“Better.”
I lifted my hands to slam them a third time, then cracked as my hands fell gracefully across the keys, playing a song I didn’t even remember practicing.
My hands flew across the piano as I played.
Body overheated, sweat started to pool at my temples, threatening to drip down my face.
By the time I was finished, my chest was heaving, like I’d just run for hours without stopping.
“Beautiful.” Gabe took a seat on the bench and faced me. “Thank you, for what you did, for what you’re still doing.”
I looked away. “I feel helpless.”
“Don’t we all?” He sighed. “Sometimes, there’s really nothing to do but sit and stare at a wall… and wait for the inevitable.”
“Stupid wall,” I grumbled.
Gabe cracked a smile. “I miss you.”
“I’m right here.”
“You know what I mean.”
I did. I wasn’t avoiding him, but I was giving him space. Allowing him time to grieve, allowing him moments with her.
“I need you,” he whispered. “Even when I’m with her, my thoughts are with you, my heart was never fully given back to me, but the pieces I still had, were stolen the minute I kissed you. The minute our lips met. So don’t for a second think I don’t need you. Don’t think I don’t want you. Because I do. I. Need. You.” His mouth met mine, gently at first, and then with more urgency as his hands dug into my hair and tugged. “So beautiful.”
“I think I love you,” I blurted. “I’m so sorry.” I collapsed against his chest. “I’m so sorry I love you. I’m sorry.” I trembled. “I can’t help it.”
“That’s romantic.” He chuckled against my hair.
I smacked him, as tears threatened to pour. “I’m trying to apologize.”
“For loving me?” Gabe asked, just before his mouth met my cheek. His eyes roamed over my body then my face. “Why the hell would you apologize for giving me one of the most treasured gifts in your possession?”
“Because…” My lips trembled. “It makes it harder on you.”
“Isn’t that for me to decide?” He tilted his head. “And just so you know, Saylor, you’re mine. That love you feel for me? It gives me strength. Your fa
ce is all I see when I close my eyes, Saylor. So please don’t apologize for your love — don’t say you’re sorry… when I’m not…”
I sighed and hugged him.
Gently, he pushed me away, and his hands fell onto the piano.
“Split in two,” he sang, “Loved by one, and then another. Pulled in a direction and then the other. If I could breathe you in, all of you, every day of my life, it wouldn’t be enough. My heart was captive long ago — then you stole it away, you helped me grow. Now I’m staring at my crossroads with a choice to make, wondering how in the world I even thought there was one way to take.”