My face is burning, and I’m trying not to cry, yet his beautiful eyes are swimming in front of me. He knows the biggest fear and shame of it all. How can he know?
The knowledge slams into me. “Your wife?”
Nodding, he wipes my tears away. “Yes, from the time she was eight until she was sixteen. For her it was her uncle, and the bastard got off way too easily. When she threatened him with telling her parents, he overdosed and died. She locked herself up and threw away the key. She was trapped in a hell she didn’t create.”
“You resented her?” I remember him saying it the first time he talked about her.
Shaking his head, his hand tightens in my hair. “Not what she went through. Never that. I resented how she chose not to unlock herself from the past. She would say it hurt too much, but she was hurting herself by not dealing with it, just in a different way.
“He took so much away from her without her permission, there’s no denying that. It wasn’t what she went through I resented. It was how she let it rule her life and mine. I begged her to see a therapist, and she promised she would, but she wouldn’t. Would it have made everything better? No, I’m not saying that, but I resented she wouldn’t even try.”
“What if seeing a therapist hadn’t helped?”
“I would have liked her to try more than one therapist. Not all therapists and the work they do are the same. If it didn’t help then it didn’t help, and she could say she tried. I’m not even saying there is any one thing that will help, there’s no silver bullet, no schedule or timetable that can be checked off. I understood that but Susan wouldn’t even try and because of that she held us both locked up in the pain of her past.
You aren’t doing that, and I’m so grateful for that. Still, it feels like I’m competing for your whole attention. I know there are times I’ve been too rough with you, and I hate it, but it often feels like it’s the only time you aren’t anywhere but under me.”
I open my mouth to reassure him how much I like it when he’s rough, then realize it’s not the point. A few times I wondered about his wife, what she had looked like and why he resented her. Now the worry lines that are a network on his forehead are explained. He tried, he was patient and supportive, and she refused him until the patience died. I’ve thought about seeing a therapist again, more than once, but always backed off. The idea of talking about it again, opening the door again, held no appeal. But Trey’s words from our first lunch together come back to me. If I was willing to go through a Chicago winter to enjoy a Chicago spring, why couldn’t I go through the door again to see if I could come out of it without any of the tortured dreams and fears?
Sagging against his chest, feeling the wall of muscle and sinew tremble beneath my fingers, I’m once again in awe at how and why he wants me. How can I make someone as beautiful as him gasp with a touch and smile with pleasure when he sees me? It isn’t just his looks or his money that make me question my worth. He’s so damn patient and kind to not just me but anyone he encounters. He doesn’t act like the rich and privileged assholes I have encountered.
Closing my eyes, I think over his accusations, and know he’s not wrong or exaggerating. That’s something that surprises me, that the memories taunt me in the quiet moments when Trey isn’t demanding and urgent. It’s like there are ghosts in the room watching me, judging me for enjoying all the pleasure Trey gives me.
Nodding, I know I want it to be just us too.
“Thank you, baby. I know it’s scary. I’ll be here for you in whatever way you need me. I told you from the beginning, just ask and I’ll give it to you.”
Tension flows out of him, and he hugs me tighter to him. “I’m waiting for you to fill me up like you promised,” I whisper against his neck, and feel his cock harden instantly under me.
“Your wish is my command.”
***
I come awake to his kiss on my cheek. Without thinking, I put my hand up to stop him moving away. He deepens the kiss, and even though every part of my body aches from his greedy attention that lasted until the early hours of this morning, were he to get back into bed, I would welcome it.
“Get some sleep, sweetheart,” he whispers against my ear, and I nod. He’s right. I’m scheduled to close tonight.
***
I’m in the office running through the numbers on what is supposed to be my lunch break when Jenny knocks on the door. Calling to her to come in. Her eyes are wide, and she’s smiling. I’m bemused. Jenny isn’t one to get excited about much.
“Kate, Mr. Ramsey is here to meet with you.”
Then I see him behind her, his eyes intent on me.
“Ms. Frazier, it’s nice to finally meet with you.”
Shock has me still, and I can only look at his hand. Jenny murmurs something and disappears.
“How could you keep this from me? Why?” My lips feel numb, and I back away, refusing to allow him to touch me.
“Kate, don’t. Don’t make this something it’s not. It’s not like that.”
“Then what the fuck is it like, Trey?” My emphasis on his name has him sighing.
“Edward the third. I’ve been Trey since I was five years old. Kate, I was trying to give us some time. There’s not a damn thing wrong with our relationship.”
“Are you serious right now? I’m fucking my boss.”