Biting her lip, she looks away. “I prefer to go it alone. I don’t want to argue over how soon is too soon to take the pacifier away, to hear criticism over not wanting to breastfeed, private school versus public. It will be harder on some things, but far easier in other ways.”
“Easier on you, but what about your child? Are you thinking at all about what you’re keeping your child from experiencing? You would keep them from having a father in their life, to guide them and give them insight only a man can provide, simply because it’s easy.”
“Are you saying a child has to have a man in their life to grow up whole and happy? I never knew my father and I’m better for it. There are thousands, millions of women who are single parents doing the best they can.”
“Because they have to. If a woman chooses to be a single parent, she’s incredibly selfish, and she may find out in the end her child resents her for depriving them of what they could have had.”
“How dare you judge a woman who decides to be a single parent as selfish. You speak from a level of privilege most of this country can’t even comprehend, moneywise and as a man. Because men get to have it all or walk away without a backward glance, you’re judging a woman for daring to do the same thing. As if having a man in a woman’s life or a child’s life is the end all and be all. It’s fucking archaic. You’re speaking from experience because your life was so enriched with your father?”
I flinch at the direct hit. The horror on her face couldn’t be faked. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have—”
I’m done, beyond done. “Temperamental, impulsive, and a control freak. I pity your as-yet-to-be-conceived child with you alone as its parent.”
Without a look back, I walk away, grabbing my shirt from beside the bed then my jacket from the couch. Well, tonight was a complete fucking disaster. At least I found out before I got too deep, before I did something incredibly stupid.
***
Chloe
I lose track of time. It doesn’t help I knew what was going to happen or that it’s what I wanted to happen. Enzo has left the building, never to return. He’ll get as far away from me as he can. No more flashing dimple, teasing, or amazing nights at the opera. He’s probably wishing he had never walked away from that business deal to come back tonight.
Suddenly Russell is knocking on my door. “What’s the matter, pussycat?”
“Nothing, just a minute.” I grab my leggings and tug them on. “Where have you been?” I ask as I open the door.
“Uh, uh, don’t answer my question with a question. Que pasa?”
“Nothing, it doesn’t matter. I was too damn honest, and Enzo told me I was stupid and selfish, and I managed to fling up the whole his-father-killed-his-mother thing and generally made a complete ass of myself. It doesn’t matter though, it’s done. He’s gone, better now than later.”
Russell rolls his eyes then tugs me out of my room to the couch. “You told the guy you want to fuck you want to have kids through a sperm donor, and considering he wants to fuck you too, he hit back at you. Damn, girl, you have a weird way of getting a man’s attention.”
“I didn’t do it to get his attention. I did it to make him go away. We wouldn’t last longer than a bottle of wine at a book club. Better he leave now than later, once I’ve gotten attached.” Russell caught me on the sperm donor website months ago, leading to an hours’ long conversation over way too much wine about what we both wanted and hoped for. I was surprised Russell admitted he wanted to adopt a whole bunch of little girls.
“Whatever, you did it to bait his ass. You wanted to know if he was really in or out.”
“I wasn’t baiting him. I know what I want. I want kids and I want them while it’s still relatively easy to have them. There’s no time to waste on Enzo Sabatini.”
“Don’t even try it. You wanted him to care, you baited him. No, don’t, Chloe, I’ll give you all the babies you want, you don’t have to go to no sperm bank, I got plenty to give. I also know gorgeous Enzo only got married to the gold digger ex because he wanted kids. So you were making sure he knew you wanted kids as of yesterday. You’re ready, willing and able to be his baby mama.”
Even as I shake my head, a little voice is calling me a liar. I did bait Enzo. As if he really cared; what the hell is the matter with me? Having a child with Enzo Sabatini would be a thousand times worse than pretty much any other man out there, for all the reasons I shouldn’t want to even fuck him.
“You know, I don’t think it’s as much of a disaster as you think it is. Sabatini is all for outside of the box, he likes strong women. He’ll respect you not waiting for a man, that you have your shit together. Then your cherry on top is you’re practically Italian after living there for so long, you speak Italian, you love the food, you can cook the food.”
“How the hell do you know so much about Enzo Sabatini?” I eye him suspiciously.
“Hello, in my office we study men like Sabatini, Kaplan, Markhoff, the billionaires in Chicago who do so damn well we’re all secretly convinced they aren’t playing fair. We’re trying to figure out how they do what they do so maybe we can do it too.
“Also, you forget I was watching him like a hawk when he carried you upstairs last night. Girl, it was so damn romantic, he was all concerned about you. I can’t even carry more than three bags of groceries upstairs at a time, and he was carrying you like you was Cetta or something. I have a feeling he’ll be back sooner than you think. Give him a minute to adjust.”
Closing my eyes, I remember Enzo’s outrage. I’m not going to hold my breath. “I don’t want to think about it right now. Where have you been?”
A giggle comes out of him. “Adam isn’t a homophobe or a racist, he’s a silly boy who didn’t understand how to show his hand. We got into it at work for the billionth time, and Tom sent us out to lunch to get our shit together. Hmmm...we got into the cab, came back here and we worked it all the way out. Our lunch ran a teensy bit late. He wanted me to sleep over but I’m making him work for it a little more.”
“You slut. Good for you. I had wondered about how over the top you made him seem at times.”
“Yeah, he wasn’t sure what the hell he was doing considering when he started he had a girlfriend. Apparently he dabbled in college but didn’t think it was serious. He broke up with the girlfriend, though, when he realized he wasn’t as into her as he should be.”
“I’m happy for you, and not in the teensiest bit jealous.”