I fell asleep in his arms, certain everything was going to be okay. Leo wanted to get past his anger and resentment, so he would. Then in the early hours of the night I woke up, to find he was gone. All I can think is he regrets that day. What he regrets I have no idea.
Tomorrow is my stupid book party. I’m miserable because I don’t know if he’s coming. Before the photo shoot, I would have thought it was a given. Now, I don’t know. It pisses me off just how much I’ll hate it if he doesn’t come. I try to stop thinking about it because a headache is building at the base of my skull.
He leaves for lunch with Victoria without a word. With a sigh, I give in. The headache isn’t going away, it’s only getting worse. I call and ask Jenny if she’s willing to fill in for me, I have a migraine. I can’t stay. She’s happy to. I don’t wait for her. I chicken out and don’t email or text Leo.
***
Leo
Victoria is already seated when I arrive at Tesoros. “Leo, smile, dear you are looking ferocious today. It’s far too beautiful a day for you to be gloomy.”
“I apologize, I simply have much on my mind. Alexa’s book launch is tomorrow. You will be there.”
Her laughter fills the air. “Ah, Leo I do so miss this every day. As much as I would be delighted to attend her launch, Vincent and I will be at the cabin this weekend. My daughter is punishing the grandkids by sending them to us for a weekend without a television, computer, or internet. It will be lovely, I can hardly wait.”
Abashed at my high-handedness. “My apologies again. I know how much you treasure your time with your grandchildren and the joy you take in your time at the cabin.”
“Enough of the contrite Leandros Kaplan, it’s unsettling. You are not quite yourself today. Talk to me, my dear. I won’t tell a soul, I promise.”
I am saved by the arrival of the waitress. Once we place our order I search for another topic to turn to, so how I say what I do, I am not quite sure. “I do not know if I can ever get past the lie. I want to leave it in the past yet at the strangest moments I remember, and I cannot let go of my anger over it.”
“I adore you, Leo, you know that. I say this with love, quit bullshitting yourself. You knew she was lying about being married. The girl is one of the worst liars I have ever met. You let go of the anger you had at me when I admitted I knew she was lying, why can’t you let go of the anger you have with her?
“I’ll tell you. You’re looking for a reason to keep her from getting too close. Only, my dear Leo, it isn’t working. You knew she was lying too, I refuse to believe you didn’t. Maybe during her interview, she was able to get it passed you, but I do not for a moment believe she made it through that first week without you figuring it out.
“You knew something was up, but you didn’t get rid of her for the same reason you still cannot leave her. You and Alexa belong together and not for some stupid sixty days you usually do, until the end of time.”
No, I shake my head searching for the words to refute her accusation. Yet the memories come tumbling back. During the interview, she talked about living off the money saved for her to live on while she wrote. The ways she stumbled whenever I asked her about her husband. Then the dinner we shared, her memories never included a man. More importantly the complete lack of awareness of her own appeal that had shown her as the virgin I saw and disregarded. Alexa was completely blind to our sexual chemistry, the heat between us so hot it ended up burning us both.
“Yes, Leo. It isn’t nearly as bad as you think it will be. But I’m telling you right now you will not leave her twisting in the wind for too much longer. She deserves to know you care for her. Vincent and I do love a Christmas wedding, it’s when we were married. Six months from now would be a perfect amount of time, the planning won’t take long at all. None of this waiting a year for a wedding business. You’ve been waiting to find Alexa for far too long to waste any time.”
As I put Victoria in a car to drive her home, I am still shaking my head at her words. A wedding, married, me and Alexa, forever. How could she know it was something I have wondered about since the night of the photo shoot? Leaving Alexa after we made love that night was something I was unable to do until she fell asleep. It spooked me how right it felt, how content I was holding her, how much I did not want to leave her. The very thought chased me out of bed and up to my condo.
While I undressed, I found the memory card from Graham. I could not wait until the next morning, hell it was already close to three in the morning. Plugging in the card once I pulled it up with every picture, I craved Alexa more and more. I could not take my eyes off her, I did not even want to blink. Her face shined with emotion, her eyes bright and glittering like sapphires.
Towards the end, she was growing freer with her smiles, her teasing, her enticement through the lens. Until there were only three pictures left. Alexa without a bra, her glorious breasts proudly displayed bare to me. I shuddered then and there in disbelief. In the next photo she is completely naked, her head back her eyes glowing. It was there, in that moment captured by the camera, I wonder if she knew. The last photo was perfection. Alexa looked sated, her eyes sleepy, her body soft. Fuck.
I dropped my laptop without being aware I did it. What had I done? Why had I done it? I have never wanted pictures of a woman before. What was the point? It was not as if Alexa were ever going to get away from me, she was mine, she gave herself to me. I was never going to give her up. The realization crashed into me, I did not want to give Alexa up, not in a month, not in a year, not ever. She was mine, forever. What was forever? Marriage, children, a house in the suburbs, a cat, suddenly everything I believed I would never have was a possibility. It terrified me by how much it did not terrify me.
Once my driver lets me know we are back at the office, I attempt to shake off my inner turmoil. It lasts for six minutes until the elevator opens on Jenny instead of Alexa.
***
Alexa
When I get home, Felix is surprisingly happy to see me. He’s even nice and cuddles with me when I lay down. The migraine I had used as an excuse has arrived in full. My right eye is throbbing in time with my heartbeat. I’m falling asleep when my phone rings. It’s Leo. “What?”
The idiot sounds surprised. “Jenny told me you left with a migraine. How come you did not call to tell me?”
Because I hate you right now. Because I can’t lie to you anymore. Because loving you is tearing me apart. “Because I was in pain. I’m not really in the mood to talk to you right now.”
“Why the fuck not?”
For a genius billionaire, he can be so stupid. Shit, the pain in my eye is pounding. “Leo, I’m seriously in pain here. I’ll talk to you later.” I hang up and roll over. Felix meows at me as he kneads my stomach. “Yeah, I know.”
Only minutes after I close my eyes I fall asleep.
The sound of the toilet flushing then water running nudges me out of the sleep, I’m drifting in and out of.