“Yes, it is. If you can forgive her for one reason, then you should be able to forgive her for the other. It's all about you and what you want to do. I get it, believe me, I get it. For us, it feels like there are so many more reasons to need to know we can trust the people in our lives, seven hundred million reasons for me, for you nine billion reasons. Do you think those reasons are more important than her, than in allowing yourself to trust her? Once you know the answer to that the rest should take care of itself.”
***
Alexa
I hear the front door open. I don’t move. I’m hiding on the balcony wondering if he’ll just get his things and leave or make a big production out of leaving. His eyes are on me, I don’t turn, still too afraid of what I’ll see in them.
“You lied to me, and I cannot let it go. I have tried. I can’t.” He’s quiet, it sounds like an explanation of why he’s leaving, an excuse.
Anger flares hot and bright, no more excuses, no more mincing around it. I fucked up, but I’m done. I’ve spent weeks paying for my mistake. Fuck him. “Fuck you, Leo. What was I supposed to do? What the hell was I supposed to do? I knew it was stupid, I knew it was crazy. I knew you'd hate me if you found out I lied. I didn't have a choice. If I didn't take the job, then I was never going to see you again. And I couldn’t, I just couldn’t stand that.
“The thought of never seeing you again scared me more than what would happen if you ever found out I lied. I never thought you'd find out because I never thought you would care enough to want to know the truth. As much as I wanted you, I never ever believed you would want me the same way. You want me to be sorry. I'm not, and I will never be. So, fuck you! I lied, and I'm not sorry!”
“Why?”
I hate him. I hate him so much. “I just told you!”
He hasn’t moved from the doorway of the balcony. His hands are in his pockets, looking like he was talking about the weather. “Why?”
“Damn you, Leo. Don't, please don't.” The tears I promised myself wouldn’t happen are falling.
“Why? Tell me why. You promised. You promised you would never lie again. Not telling me is the same thing as lying.”
“Because I love you, you asshole.”
“Say it again.”
He’s in front of me now, on his knees. His hand around the back of my neck pulling me to him. “I love you, you asshole.”
“Again.” It's a whisper against my lips.
“I love you.” The words disappear into his mouth at the slow kiss he gives me.
“Again.”
It's finally sinking in now. He's not pushing me away, none of the fears I had of this moment are coming true.
“I love you,” I whisper in his ear and tears are fresh at the way he shivers when I say them.
His lips move against my ear. “Again.”
“I love you.” I can finally bring my eyes to meet his. What I see takes my breath away. “It can't be.” I say the words without realizing I said them.
“Yes, it can. I love you, Alexa. I love you so much it scared the shit out of me. I love you so much it was easier to believe I hated you than to accept I love you. I fell so hard, so completely, it turned my world upside down. I’m not proud of how badly I took it. I would have fucked things up if you hadn’t lied, I was fighting it. Except you did it first. You hurt me, sweetheart, and it blew apart my entire foundation. I couldn’t believe it considering I hadn’t even touched you, how could your betrayal hurt so badly? How much more would it hurt if I really let you in? So, I got stupid, and I tried to hurt you back. Only that didn’t work either because when I hurt you, it hurt me too. Then I realized there was no real choice, you had snuck in and I didn’t want it any other way. I am sorry I hurt you. Will you forgiv
e me?”
“Of course, I will you idiot. This is real? This is really happening. I’m not going to wake up, and it be a dream?”
He laughs, “I thought the same thing when I saw the pictures from your private shoot with Graham. Only I had the proof in my hand, it was real and in color, the love you had for me in your eyes. Then I screwed up bad and backtracked. I was so happy to know you loved me. I just was not ready to admit my love to you.”
“You knew that night? I was trying so hard not to show you how much I loved you.”
“Hmm, I know. I also figured out then there was no way in hell you would have agreed to my stupid demands if you were not already in love with me. At the time I believed you simply wanted my body, with you being a virgin, I could believe a first sexual partner would appeal to you. Especially when I was everything your father told you not to be with. I ruined that first time for you. I can never really make up for it.” He shakes his head sadly.
“Stop, please stop feeling guilty about it. You made up for it a thousand and one times already. Maybe you don’t think you were everything dad wanted me to have, but you are. You wanted me, so badly you broke your own rules, you overruled your pride for me. The ferocious, gorgeous, Leandros Kaplan doesn’t do that for just anyone, for just a fuck, a few hours in bed. I knew it was crazy to hope, but I was already pretty sure as bad as things were at the time, with a little bit of patience you’d figure out you loved me too. Would you have really let me leave?”
He laughs as he picks me up and carries me into the bedroom. “Not a chance in hell. I stipulated a two week period to train your successor only I would have spent the two weeks laying siege to your body and mind. Thank you for being patient, for pushing me, for loving me. It’s just too bad for you that you’re stuck with me. You are my whole world, my heart, I could not let you go even if you begged me to.”