A Favor

My phone rings and I want to ignore it but hope it’s Sam calling to check in. It isn’t, it’s Dale the gallery owner. In the last few months he had requested two more sets of four to show and all had sold. We make plans for him to come to pick up more paintings next weekend. I’ve been more productive since Sam, sometimes doing two paintings a day. I know my new ones are better and know it’s because of how happy I am with Sam. The website is also drawing in traffic and sales, I had sold nine paintings online. Dale is fine with me also running the website, as long as I had a link to the gallery on the site. He also wanted me to sell for at least two hundred more than what he sold them at the gallery which I didn’t have a problem with as it only cost me about eighty dollars for shipping the painting and the cut taken from the online payment center that processed my sales.

I go into my studio, my mind still cloudy from the loss of Sam and look around my studio and am shocked to find there are only seven paintings.

Without thinking I call Christine and beg her to come over. A true friend, she doesn’t ask questions, she simply says she’s on her way. It’s ten till eight and I call Taylor and tell him I’m sorry but I’m going to be late. Taylor isn’t fazed and said he’d figured that with Sam out of town I’d be out of it and to come in when I was ready.

Taylor could see all of that, I wonder as I’m pacing the living room. Only fifteen minutes later Christine bangs on the door.

I grab her and pull her into the house. “Okay, I need you to tell me how I show Sam I love him and to get Sam to love me so he’ll stay. You need to teach me what to do.”

Christine starts to cry and hugs me close. I’m frozen, shouldn’t I be the one crying here.

“Thank god, Taylor is going to so get the best sex ever for setting you two up.”

Pushing her away, “Taylor set us up?!

Realizing her mistake Christine blushes, “It’s not like that, please don’t be mad. It worked, you are happy for the first time in years and you are in love with him and he’s such a great man.”

Anger flares bright at the thought of being manipulated by Taylor, I walk away, unable to speak.

“Zoe, it’s like Taylor told Sam all he did was give you two the opportunity. This would have never gone anywhere if it wasn’t what you both wanted.

Yes, he gave you three hours alone together and I know you. You spent every minute doing your best to be on your worst behavior and telling him all the things that you think are wrong with you. When he got out of that truck he could have run the other way from you but he didn’t. Taylor told me Sam was a good man and since I met him I know that to be true. Sam never would have used you for a quick release, that isn’t who he is. He made a commitment to Taylor so he could be with you and give you two time to be together.”

I sink into end of the couch and as I do, what she’s saying is also sinking in. She was right, Taylor had simply opened the door, it had been up to me and Sam to walk through it. “But he only said six months. What if he leaves?”

Christine sits dow

n and pulls me into a hug, “Sweetie, that man isn’t going anywhere. He loves you, I think you’re the only one who doesn’t see that.”

“But he hasn’t said it and what could he love about me? Every relationship before him ended with me being told I didn’t deserve love because I was cold and empty and couldn’t give love back. How do I give him that? You have to teach me that.”

Sitting back, Christine is stunned and then she’s pissed. “I cannot fucking believe that. That is completely and utterly the biggest load of shit I have ever heard. They were wrong and I’m so angry that you would believe that.”

“Christine, one person saying it, maybe, but all three?”

“I don’t give a shit, it isn’t true. I think deep down you knew they weren’t good enough for forever but they were good enough for the moment and you wanted to care about someone and have someone care about you. That is an extremely basic need everyone has so you went for it but knew since it wouldn’t last you had to protect yourself and you did.”

I’m shaking my head, not sure what to believe.

“Zoe, why did you come pick me up from the hospital when I called you? I had ignored you for almost two years because you saw that Tony beat me and treated me badly and tried to tell me I deserved better but I didn’t want to hear it. You were trying to be my friend and I let an asshole come between us so why did you come when I called you?”

“Because you needed me.” I’m confused.

“Why did you take me home to your one bedroom apartment and let me sleep on the couch and take care of me. Why did you hold me while I cried when I told you I was going to have an abortion? Why did you refuse to say I was doing the right thing or wrong thing, I knew what I needed to do and it didn’t matter what you thought?”

“Because you’re my friend.”

“And you love me. Not romantic love but we love each other like family, like sisters and we make each other feel better and we laugh and share and that’s what love is. So that’s why when I laid there in that damn hospital bed and delivered a stillborn girl that I had gone from wanting to abort to wanting more than anything in the world, you held me and we cried together. That’s why you checked on me the next day to find me trying to commit suicide with the painkillers.

You have dealt with so much pain your life, I was wallowing in mine and you could have walked away, any sane person would have walked away but you didn’t. Love makes you crazier and stronger and weaker and do things you never thought you could do before. That’s what love is and it can’t be taught, it’s something you feel and do because it’s right for you and the person you love.”

Chapter Nineteen

When Sam comes home Tuesday night I’m already in bed. He comes into our room and turns on the light, not worried he’d wake me, knowing I would be awake waiting for him. Looking down at me his eyes are a dull dark blue, “I’m sorry I ran late. I need a shower.” Dropping a kiss on my forehead he goes into the bathroom and I can hear him getting ready for bed. Only fifteen minutes later he comes out with a towel wrapped around his waist.

“How bad was it?” I ask as he runs a towel over his hair.

“I wish I could say not as bad I thought it would be but bad. I hired a company and they’re just going to take it all down. The vandals trashed the house to the studs. Even before that the house needed so much repair it would have been easier to rebuild. One day, I’ll rebuild a house but the other buildings just sitting there empty was an invitation for trouble.”