Everyone sat up excitedly, like meerkats.
“Look at the tabloid drubbing she endured when her family was mired in confusion and infidelity. Look how she has soldiered on, still loving her family: loyal, decent, dutiful but elastic, as all families and communities must be. We are all distracted by the glamour and shine of the evolving world. But we must stay rooted in who we are: in strength, decency, resilience, yes, but not in judgement. And I say this to you now, as, not only a son of this village, but”—he looked across at me and smiled—“as the father—”
There were ripples all over the hall.
“Yes, yes—whoever the biological father turns out to be, and we don’t know yet—the father of Grafton Underwood’s about to be newest grandchild.”
Everyone cheered.
“Ladies and gentlemen,” said the Admiral, visibly moved but holding it together.
“It may be unconstitutional: but let’s take another vote. All those in favour of Pamela Jones sitting to Her Majesty’s right during the postceremony luncheon?”
Everyone raised his or her hand, including Mavis.
“Motion carried. Pamela Jones will sit to Her Majesty’s right.”
There was applause and cheers. Then, quite suddenly, Admiral Darcy turned to Mark and hugged him.
“I say, steady on,” said Uncle Geoffrey.
The old Admiral struggled with himself.
“I love you, son,” he said. “I always did.”
“I love you too, Father.”
“Anyway. Jolly good. Let’s press on.”
—
As Mark said in the car, when we finally escaped all the tears and hugging, “The whole thing was so ludicrous that it was really hard for anyone to keep any sort of tenuous grip on reality.”
But it’s nice to have that shared history. And, you see, Billy, this is why it means so much to me that you remember what Mark said that day. The world you’re about to enter will be a different sea, with so much to do with how many likes you get on Facebook or who knows what; where everyone is showing off rather than sharing their sadnesse
s and fears and what they really feel; and “liking” the most famous, or the richest, or the prettiest, more than the most human, or the kindest friend. You are the Grafton Underwood New Generation. And before you know it, Mark and me will be throwing Turkey Curry Buffets, Brunch Time Karaoke and trying to set you up with Una Alconbury’s granddaughter.
SIXTEEN
PHANTOM PREGNANCY
FRIDAY 16 MARCH
7 a.m. My flat. Baby is due tomorrow. Am so excited.
SATURDAY 17 MARCH
9 p.m. My flat. Baby still has not come.
MONDAY 19 MARCH
Babies: 0
WEDNESDAY 21 MARCH
5 p.m. My flat. Baby still has not come. Feel like toddler sent to sit on potty and failing to produce poo, while adults wait, increasingly frostily, outside bathroom door. Maybe I actually am an elephant. Maybe it’s going to take two years.
THURSDAY 22 MARCH