now where Germany is ... Bridge? Don't you?"
"Yes," I whispered weakly.
There was a long, awkward pause while I tried to come to terms with what had happened i.e. Daniel had chucked me because he thought I was stupid.
"So, then," said Tom, brightly. "Where is it ... Germany?"
"Europe."
"Yeah, but, like, where in Europe?"
Honestly. In the modern age it is not necessary to know where countries actually are since all that is required is to purchase a plane ticket to one. They do not exactly ask you at the travel agent's which countries you will be flying over before they will give you the ticket, do they?
"Just give us a ballpark position."
"Er," I stalled, head down, eyes flicking round the room to see if there might be an atlas at large.
"Which countries do you think Germany might be near?" he pressed on.
I thought about it carefully. "France."
"France. I see. So Germany is 'near France', is it?"
Something about the way Tom said this made me feel I'd made some cataclysmic gaff. Then it occurred to me that Germany is of course connected to Eastern Germany and therefore it is far more likely to be close to Hungary, Russia or Prague.
"Prague," I said. At which Tom burst out laughing.
"Anyway, there's no such thing as general knowledge any more," I said indignantly. "It has been proved by articles that the media has created such a great sea of knowledge that everyone cannot possibly have the same selection of it."
"Never mind, Bridge," said Tom. "Don't worry about it. Do you want to see a movie tomorrow?"
I I p.m. Yes, am just going to go to movies now and read books. What Daniel may or may not have said is a matter of supreme indifference to me.
11.15 p.m. How dare Daniel go round bad-mouthing me! How did he know I don't know where Germany is? We never even went near it. Furthest we got to was Rutland Water. Huh.
11.20 p.m. Anyway, I am really nice. So there.
11.30 p.m. Am horrible. Am stupid. Am going to start studying The Economist and also go to evening classes and read Money by Martin Amis.
11.35 p.m. Harhar. Have found atlas now.
11.40 p.m. Hah! Right. I am going to ring up that bastard.
11.45 p.m. Just dialled Daniel's number.
"Bridget?" he said, before I had time to say anything.
"How did you know it was me?"
"Some surreal sixth sense," he drawled amusedly. "Hang on." I heard him lighting a fag. "So go on then." He inhaled deeply.
"What?" I muttered.
"Tell me where Germany is."
"It is next to France," I said. "And also Holland, Belgium, Poland, Czechoslovakia, Switzerland, Austria and Denmark. And it has a sea coast."
"Which sea?"